Why Women Lose Attraction For Men And What To Do About It
Last updated on : March 28 2020
Note: The advice in this article applies equally to women as it does to men, except that men tend to accept more neediness than women do. And if you're a girl reading this, send it across to your man and tell him to read it a few times, and to learn.
In this article, we cover the top attraction killers for women, the clear signs that she is losing interest, and what to do if she does - or breaks up with you.
Over time men tend to let attractive behaviors slide, replacing them with unattractive behaviors.
So, learning to identify and avoid unattractive behavior is an excellent first step towards a happier and healthier relationship. It is also easier to eliminate unattractive behaviors than to implement new attractive ones.
Top Attraction Killers For Women
The attraction killers below are not a complete list but are the most dangerous because they sneak up on you slowly and will irreparably wear your girlfriend down, and could lead her to reject you.
1. Needy Behavior
We define needy behavior as requiring your girlfriend's attention to make you feel better about yourself. In this state, you have an excessive desire for her care, affection, and reassurance. It often involves a loss of your emotional control, displays low self-esteem, and comes with self-limiting beliefs that need her constant approval.
You might tell her that you love her so you can hear it back in return. Or you might look to put a label on the relationship with her, too soon, to make you feel more secure. Maybe you expect her to respond to your messages and calls within a specific timeframe. Or you are always asking her about the way you look. Whether everything is ok, and whether she likes to be with you.
Needy behavior displays your insecurity or anxiety, particularly about losing her or her attention. It overtly seeks her approval while showing a lack of confidence or self-esteem on your part.
It also gives off too much feminine energy and makes the relationship too easy for her. The man is the gatekeeper of the relationship as a woman is the gatekeeper of sex. She's never going to cherish the relationship unless she can work for it a bit, the same way that you might not respect her if sex comes too quickly.
Women find this behavior exceptionally unappealing and will fast have them losing respect for you. Confidence in a man is as essential to a woman as visual appeal is to a man.
2. Clingy And Smothering Behavior
Clingy and smothering behavior is similar to neediness. It projects fear of being alone, and also a profound lack of confidence.
When you are clingy or smothering, you are constantly checking up on her, and always wanting to be around her. Following her around at parties, always telling her how beautiful she is, and generally behaving like a baby that won't let go of his mother.
Clinginess can come in more subtle forms, too, so be careful what to look for in your behavior. Liking and commenting on your girlfriend's social media posts to ensure she feels your presence is a demonstration of clingy behavior. As is meeting her at her work unexpectedly, sending her flowers unnecessarily and texting her more than she texts you.
Women need time and space to wonder about you and let their feelings grow. So make sure you eliminate any clingy and smothering behavior to give her what she needs.
Focus on your purpose in life instead. Men with a purpose don't have time to behave this way and wouldn't. They just don't worry about what a girl is saying or doing, and they don't look for any form of validation from them.
When you focus on your purpose, you will automatically give a girl the time and space she needs to fall in love with you.
3. Jealous And Possessive Behavior
Being jealous and possessive communicates insecurity, a fear of loss, and that deep down, you don't feel good enough for her. Jealousy comes in several emotional guises, including anger, resentment, helplessness, or even disgust.
You might think that jealousy is a display of love, but it's not. It is, in fact, a huge turnoff.
It shows a lack of self-esteem, dependence on her, and severe feelings of inadequacy in your relationship. It's a sure sign of a profound lack of confidence, and one she will quickly notice.
If you're jealous, then start by avoiding situations that are likely to arouse it. For instance, stop looking at your partner's Facebook posts or generally snooping around their affairs.
And then work on yourself. Expand your purpose in life.
Having a strong calling will improve your confidence and provide you with a solid sense of outcome independence. You want to not only eliminate all jealousy but also be happy enough with your own life not to need your relationship for any form of validation.
Women love confident men with a purpose in life and want to know that their choice of you is their best option. Don't let her down by displaying jealousy.
4. Controlling Behavior
Controlling behavior is unattractive and abusive.
It shows that you need your girlfriend to behave in a certain way to feel good about yourself. If you can't accept the way she is, then you shouldn't be with her.
Controlling behavior comes in many forms and on a spectrum from mild to abusive.
However, any type of controlling behavior is entirely unacceptable and can confuse and intimidate, as will ultimately repel your girlfriend.
Knowing when and when not to take the lead in your relationship is a delicate balance. A man should look to take the initiative often, and certainly not give it up entirely.
A woman wants a confident man, and this means you need to make decisions quickly and stick to them. Taking a long time to make a decision and then changing your mind is a sure sign of a lack of confidence and direction, and is unappealing.
Confident men know their worth and are decisive. They know what they want and stick to their decisions. This behavior is very appealing and alpha.
Not taking the lead at all is a severe mistake. It means you have given up all decision making. It's a weak position to be in and displays a profound lack of confidence. Even the most masculine of females will eventually wear out under these circumstances, losing all attraction for you.
So work on the basis that women want the man to take the lead in the relationship, that she wants you to be her rock. From this perspective, you can experiment with the correct balance, keeping a keen eye on her attraction levels for you.
6. Being Too Complacent Or Taking Your Girlfriend For Granted.
Complacency and taking your girlfriend for granted tends to happen over time, especially in a long-term relationship.
Don't be too lazy in your relationship. Otherwise, your girlfriend will think you don't care about her and start to fall out of love slowly. Eventually, all her love for you will be gone, and when she's at this point, it will be impossible to rekindle her flame. Once a woman's love for you is gone, it's gone.
So make sure you are present in the relationship, not just physically present, but aware and mindful of her feelings. It's an emotional presence that wraps her in warmth and love.
And no being distracted when she wants to talk or discuss things with you, listen to her with your full attention.
7. Being Too Cold And Distant
Don't confuse being cold and distant with being mysterious, or a little aloof and indifferent, which are attractive traits.
Your girlfriend needs to feel like she's someone special to you. So you need to show her that she is, often enough, to avoid being cold and distant.
Make quality time for her or send her an unexpected and well thought out gift, or good morning text.
Otherwise, she will feel like you don't care about her, or love her, and this will cause her to slowly shut down emotionally, and eventually fall out of love.
8. Being Boring And Predictable
As a man, it's your job to take the lead, and this includes setting the tone for your conversations and interactions.
It's easy to let a relationship become predictable and boring. Both men and women get bored very quickly, we all prefer at least some excitement, and our emotions stimulated.
So keep things interesting between the two of you, both in the things you do together and the conversations you have. Watch for predictable patterns and routines and make sure you mix it up a little up a bit. Making this effort will also stop you from being bored and keep you on your toes.
Also, watch whether your girlfriend looks to stir things up, or create a hint of drama to test you or inject interest into the conversation. She will do this when she starts to get bored, and it's a clear sign that you have some work to do. Even negative emotions are better than no feelings at all for her. So watch this drama thing, as a guage of her temperature.
The Signs She's Losing Interest In You
Losing interest happens very slowly over time. If you're not paying attention, you're not going to realize your girlfriend's loss of attraction until she rejects you, and then it's way too late.
And, when she does reject you, most men will react needy or clingy, to try to win her back, exactly what you don't want to do under the circumstances.
So, please understand all attraction killing behaviors are dangerous and can paint you into a corner. Therefore, catching your girlfriend's dwindling interest before its too far gone is imperative.
Watch out for the signs below that she's losing interest in you. Although not a complete list, these are the ones that you tend to accept overtime and will end up biting you hard.
1. Your Girlfriend Is No Longer Putting You First.
When attraction levels are high, you'll be a top priority. Your girlfriend will put you ahead of her friends and family, her goals, her hobbies, and sometimes even her kids, just to see you and spend time with you.
When her interest drops, she won't be as available and might even be canceling plans with you to be somewhere else. Watch out for this.
2. Your Girlfriend Starts To Be Less Responsive To You.
This behavior might be not responding to phone calls or text messages, or taking longer to respond or responding with less interest. It might also include your girlfriend being distracted or not listening when you talk to her.
When her attraction levels are high, she wants your attention all of the time and will jump at any opportunity to speak or engage with you, especially if you are a very busy man focused on your purpose (which you should be).
So pay attention to how long she takes to respond to your messages and calls, especially when you know she isn't busy.
3. Your Girlfriend Is No Longer Affectionate With You.
We are not referring to sex here, because women can still have sex with you when their interest is dropping or is even completely gone (although it will be far less intense). This behavior is more about the affectionate names she calls you, the warm touches, kisses, and holding of hands.
When she has a high level of attraction, she'll want to be close to you, touch you, and shower you with affection. She won't be able to keep her hands off of you and calling you those cute little pet names.
What To Do When You Sense A Loss Of Attraction
Back off and give her space, allow her to reconnect with you. You want to mirror her emotions and effort levels when you notice this behavior. Because this means you're not chasing her, showing neediness and lack of confidence. You're giving her no more or less than she is giving you, and so things will be balanced. But don't be too cold, either.
Do not confront her with anything that acknowledges you are not confident about the situation. For instance, don't say, I see you are losing attraction for me, and I will understand if you don't want me to bother you any longer. Saying something like this just reeks of no confidence.
It's better to say nothing, back away, and let her come to you. Backing away will also help you gauge her interest.
If she continues to show a lack of interest after you have given her space and time, ask her if everything is ok. If she likes you, she will tell you what is turning her off. Be decisive in how you deal with her response.
If, after asking, she is still unresponsive, then continue to back off and wait. If she never comes to you, then as harsh as it sounds, just move on and don't look back, she's done you a favor.
If giving her time and space works, then be sure to learn from the experience, display confidence, and adopt your newly found knowledge. Don't acknowledge the gap in attraction, but take a mental note not to let it happen again.
Displaying any of these attraction killing behaviors is equivalent to putting your girlfriend on a pedestal and making her more of a prize than you are. Ultimately she will lose respect for you and possibly even be repulsed, a total loss of attraction.
And with this loss of attraction, she may end things with you. If she does, it's going to be very difficult to turn her thinking around. Your only option will be to let her go and come back to you if she decides to. This process will require a lot of space and time, and possibly, a period of no contact.
So you have to consider these behaviors and look for the signs that she is losing interest in you. Pay attention and reread this article often, dealing with any signs your girlfriend may be losing interest.
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Editor: Charles Fitzgerald