Why Men Must Lead A Relationship To Avoid Losing It
Last updated on : August 31 2020
The advice in this article is for men.
However, if you're a wife or girlfriend reading this, don't be alarmed or consider that we designed this advice to manipulate you. Instead, understand that men don't know what to do when it comes to women, and need help, often step by step help.
And be honest with yourself. You want a strong man with a definite purpose in life, not a needy man who defers all leadership responsibilities to you.
Instead, share this with your man, because it might just save your relationship.
Who Leads In A Relationship?
Knowing when and when not to take the lead in your relationship is a delicate balance. A man should look to take the initiative often, and certainly not give it up entirely.
As a man, if you do not take the lead at all, it is a severe mistake. It means you have given up all decision making. It's a weak position to be in and displays a profound lack of confidence. Even the most masculine of females will eventually wear out under these circumstances, losing all attraction for you.
If you don't lead, then she will be forced to take the role. And your lack of leadership will either cause the end of the relationship. Or you will stay together, with her both resenting and controlling you.
So it's best to work on the basis that women want the man to take the lead in the relationship. From this perspective, you can experiment with the correct balance, keeping a keen eye on her attraction levels for you.
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Understanding The Mans Role In A Relationship
A man's role in a relationship is to lead. And to create a positive environment of mutual respect and teamwork.
The man shows leadership by making the first approach, opening up a conversation, asking for a telephone number, and soon after asking for a date.
He builds attraction by demonstrating strong values about himself and his attitude towards the relationship and his girlfriend. He's not jealous or needy. He has a purpose in life that drives and satisfies him. He wants a relationship, not to complete him, but instead to share the exciting experiences he creates for himself.
These behaviors allow him to lead naturally. The new woman in his life is excited to follow him through his life experiences, and he's confident to follow her through hers.
This mutual respect ultimately turns into teamwork, with the couple supporting and fighting for each other, and a natural sense of balance in the leadership roles.
How Men Lose The Leadership Role Over Time
Most men lose the leadership role and, consequently, their woman's respect over time.
This loss happens because the man develops a dependency on his girlfriend or wife and loses his sense of purpose. He's no longer building his life and creating experiences to share, but instead is scared of losing the life with her. He becomes dependent and needy.
Many guys are shocked when a girl finds them attractive and wants to spend time with them. They aren't used to a woman being into them, so they develop a massive fear of losing her.
They try to do everything right not to screw up and go back to being single again. Ironically, trying to do things right causes the women to lose respect for him.
From the woman's perspective, the man is failing her tests. He's no longer demonstrating internal strength or values. So she is forced to take the lead more often, gaining more power in the relationship.
Eventually, she's leading the relationship more than 50% of the time.
Signs You Are Losing The Leadership Role
You're losing the leadership role if your girlfriend or wife is making most of the decisions about what to do, or you find yourself doing what she wants most of the time.
When an unhealthy balance develops, it's highly likely your wife or girlfriend will begin to see you as a weaker man, losing attraction for you, and putting your relationship at risk.
It's not the right place to be, and so needs to be closely monitored and addressed.
Here are some signs that you are heading down this path:
You're giving in to your wife or girlfriend's demands too often and are not standing up for yourself when disrespected.
You're asking her what she wants to do, instead of making these decisions yourself.
You've stopped dating her, or she is arranging the dates on your behalf.
You're becoming needy and jealous. You're starting to beg for sex and attention.
You're losing motivation around your sense of purpose. You're doing nothing to very little alone or with your friends.
You're not interested in seeing your friends, and you're getting unfit and overweight.
You've handed over responsibility for the finances to her.
You're fighting a lot.
She's starting to withhold sex and her attention. You haven't had sex in the last two to four weeks.
She's starting to develop a life without you in it.
If you see some or most of these signs, then it's time for a reset. Mainly this means rediscovering your purpose, putting yourself first, and developing a healthy level of care-less outcome independence. And if necessary a period of no contact.
How A Man Maintains Or Reestablishes The Leadership Role
In a relationship, whoever cares less has the power, and whoever has the power is the leader. This attitude might seem cold, but it isn't if you break it down.
To care-less, a man needs a definite purpose that is more significant than his girlfriend or wife alone. This purpose is usually a business or considerable interest that he loves to do, is good at, and preferably makes money.
Your purpose can also be taking care of your family or a spiritual path. But it can't just be to make a woman happy. While you can be a good boyfriend or husband, your life goal needs to be more significant. You need to write the book of your life, and let your woman read it.
When you have these interests in life, you do not need your girlfriend or wife to complete you. You've developed a healthy level of outcome independence, which means that you'll be just fine if you lose her.
The good thing about this attitude is that it provides a strong basis for you to lead and keeps your mystery and intrigue levels high. It exhibits passion and confidence. That you're ambitious and want to succeed, and that you are your own man.
It also means you are not dependent on your girl, and unlikely ever to be needy.
All these qualities are desirable in a man. And so by having this care-less attitude, you are increasing her attraction levels for you and maintaining the power in the relationship.
Moreover, you are likely to give her what she wants, and she will love you for it.
Therefore, the answer to maintaining or reestablishing your power in the relationship is to have a definite purpose and masculine frame.
Easier said than done, but worthy for your life goals and happiness.
Bonus Section - About Making Decisions
To lead appropriately, you need to know where you are going. Your purpose in life informs this. But to get where you are going, you need to make decisions.
You must reach the decisions you make promptly and stick to your choices. Deliberating or changing your mind is not an admirable leadership characteristic and needs to be avoided at all costs.
"What do you want to do today?" "I'll leave it up to you," and "where do you want to eat?" are examples of questions you don't want to ask.
Don't try to guess what she wants to do. Set your purpose, and get her to join you. If she makes alternative suggestions, then that's ok. But it is better if you can make the final decision, at least most of the time.
A man should assume that his role is to lead the relationship. Indeed, it is his responsibility to make the first approach, get a date set up, and even lead the first kiss.
However, to be a successful leader, he needs to have a definite purpose in life that is more significant than merely pleasing his girlfriend or wife.
Keeping true to this purpose allows him to stay internally strong, eliminate neediness and dependent behavior, and keep him desirable for his woman.
When a man finds himself following his woman more often than he should, then he needs to reestablish his purpose and rebalance the power in the relationship. Otherwise, he risks losing his wife or girlfriends' respect and the relationship entirely.
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The Kewl Shop
The Kewl Shop is a blog. We write about all things lifestyle with a strong focus on relationships, self-love, beauty, fitness, and health. Important stuff that every modern woman or man needs to know.
Editor: Charles Fitzgerald