Things You Should Discuss With Your Partner Before Getting Married
Last updated on : May 24 2022
8. Fitting In with The In-Laws
There is probably no person on the planet that hasn't dreamed of being loved and being able to love. We dream of finding the one we can marry and live a long and happy life deep down in our hearts.
On the other hand, life is not a piece of cake, and you can never imagine what will happen in the future. When getting into a relationship with someone and dreaming about marrying them, you need to understand that divorce or a breakup can also be possible.
One way to prevent future relationship issues is to build a solid and authentic relationship with your dream partner through open conversations.
Even if you believe that you have covered every topic, there will still be some important ones swept under the carpet, so keep reading to learn about the "must" things you should discuss with your partner before making a long term commitment, including
- Wedding Planning
- Finance distribution
- Household Tasks
- Perfect Home
- Family Role
- Last Names
- Intimate topics
- Food Preferences
- Future plans
1. Wedding Planning
Getting married and having a wedding ceremony are different things.
In some cases, one of you might like to have a huge wedding ceremony to be able to celebrate with relatives and friends; however, the other partner might not be comfortable with it.
Even this first seemingly tiny problem can cause conflict between you as a couple.
If both of you want to have a dream wedding but are unsure how to organize it, it would be beneficial for you to refer to wedding planning websites or agencies, such as Paradise Weddings or InspiredBride.net.
These services can help you reach a final agreement, even if both of you don't want a large ceremony.
2. Couple Finances
Although many people believe that real love is not about money, financial disagreements can become a significant cause of your divorce. So, it is essential for you to cover this topic, too.
For illustration, you will need to understand whether you will share your salaries or whether each of you will spend them separately. If you think of renting a house, understand who will pay for that, or if you want to buy one, do you want the price to be split between the two of you or not.
Another critical point is to learn about your partner's financial goals: Do they want to save or spend money? Why do you want to save money? What would they spend their money on and why?
As an ordinary person, you have to agree that seeing your parents married happily is one of the contributors to having a careless childhood.
With that being said, if you want your children not to be stressed because of the parents' continuous quarrels, keep in mind to discuss everything regarding children.
First, you should ask whether your partner wants to have a child. How many children do they want? What if you are not able to give natural birth? Will they agree to use some artificial methods to have a baby, or not?
What are their thoughts on adoption? How are you going to raise the child? Will they help? Will the children have some chores? What types of education do you want your children to have? What would be your responsibilities as a parent?
Getting answers to all these questions might give you a chance to get some clarity.
Knowing your partner's religion might sometimes not be enough.
To be sure that there won't be any religious conflicts, especially if your religious beliefs are naturally different, understand their perspective on religious events and traditions.
Do they participate? Do they go to church? If they don't, would they mind you doing so?
5. Household Tasks
Disagreements regarding house organization and cleanliness can develop tension that you might have avoided with a simple conversation.
If you are used to doing household tasks but risk being overwhelmed if holding down a job, you should be able to ask your partner whether they will be willing to help you in some cases or hire a person to help you.
Even if the answer is negative, you will still get a chance to know whether you have to deal with it alone or not. Or, maybe you don't agree with that solution, and it has to be changed.
6. Where To Place Home
We are all different in our natures. Some individuals prefer living in a relaxing atmosphere, away from the city center and bustle. For others, metropolises and crowded places are the most incredible destinations to have a home.
So, don't forget to consider this point. Maybe your partner also shares your preference? What if you can come to a peaceful agreement?
Some people might dream of getting a pet while having their own family; others might want to move their existing pets into the new home.
So, make sure to cover this topic to ensure you are both in agreement on pets, especially if you suffer from pet-related allergies.
8. Fitting In with The In-Laws
All of us have some family traditions, whether it is drinking tea in the evenings, having dinner together, or visiting someplace from time to time. You need to understand how you fit into your prospective partner's family.
Also, you may need to understand whether your parents-in-law will be involved in your family or not. If yes, then how?
Some couples, especially young ones, might be against living with their partner's parents, so you need to discuss and respect each other's take on the role either families need to play in your new life together.
There are many countries worldwide where women take their husbands' last names. While this is usually not mandatory, many men think that their future wives should have the same surname as they become a family.
Consider your point of view on these ideas and whether you need to talk about them or not.
9. Intimate topics
According to some researchers, while attraction and love should come first and can keep the relationship for some time, sex keeps the marriage's longevity.
With that being said, it would be wise to ask your partner what their expectations are? Is having sex essential for them? What if you do not want to have it? How will they deal with it?
Remember that being shy and not asking these kinds of questions is not a way to deal with sexual needs. It would be best if you were open to any misunderstanding later.
10. Food Preferences
Imagine preparing a yummy pizza with cheese and impatiently waiting for your partner to come home to try it, but he does not like cheese. You would be disappointed.
To avoid these situations, ask about their favorite food and what they would never eat. You can also ask about their perspective on ordered food, etc.
11. Future plans
If you decide to marry your partner, it is already a sign that you want to build your future together. However, each of us is different, and getting to know others' plans for the future is another thing to discuss with your partner.
This discussion will help you recognize what you want from one other, which is lovely.
Please don't start the conversation with direct questions, but instead, open up a friendly dialogue and let them elaborate on the topic by themselves.
You can, for example, ask how they see themselves in several years? What are their short-term and long-term dreams? This way, you will be able to understand what they are like and how they see you in their future.
Committing to the person you love is one of an individual's most significant decisions.
However, before you marry or commit long-term, be sure that you understand your partner's likes and dislikes and that they understand yours.
If you keep some conversations secret, you might likely get disappointed with your choice in the future, or they might become disappointed in you.
So, don't be shy to talk about every topic that might bother you.
You might also feel you understand the differences between you and your partner if you have been together for a long time. However, there are still likely to be some things you might not know or entirely understand, especially if you have not lived together.
So to be sure, prepare to openly discuss at least the topics we mention above before you fully commit.
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Editor: Charles Fitzgerald