When To Give Gifts And Compliments On A Date

Last updated on : December 04 2020

gift wrapped up in pink ribbon

A. The Dangers Of Compliments and Gifts

Most people enjoy receiving compliments and gifts, but this can work against you in a new relationship. 

A girl who is genuinely interested in you won't want you to shower her with gifts and compliments. She might get upset about this behavior.

However, a girl interested in only the good times will gladly accept and want your gifts and compliments. This girl isn't interested in you. 

So it makes sense that if you provide gifts and compliments too soon in a relationship, you risk turning away the girl genuinely interested in you, and instead, attracting a gold-digger.

This outcome is precisely the opposite of what you want.  

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B. Why Do You Drive Away A Girl With Gifts And Compliments

There are appropriate ways you can show affection at each stage of a relationship. Overdoing it may cause a woman to either take advantage of you or feel intimidated or frightened by too much appreciation too soon.

1. Compliments

It will become a problem if you are always trying to compliment a girl genuinely interested in you. She may mistake your needy behavior for ulterior motives. Rather than seeing you as a sensitive man, she may believe that your compliments are purely to woo her into bed and that your intentions are less than courteous.

If you're stating outright that she is the most beautiful, or intelligent, then you are not allowing her to show herself off or win you over. It's like you have already made up your mind about her, and if you do this too soon, it can come across as unnatural. 

You are also putting her on a pedestal when she wants to be on the same level as you. Or even to look up to you. A woman wants to respect a man, and take time to prove herself to him. Treating her this way doesn't allow her to do this, and might drive her away - it's important to avoid this behavior and ask the right questions

2. Gifts 

Likewise, it is also a problem if you buy numerous or expensive gifts at the beginning of the relationship.

Taking your girlfriend out to dinner at an inexpensive and local restaurant she said she liked is pretty standard for a date. But buying her expensive gifts such as concert tickets or gift cards within the first couple of dates may come across as peculiar. 

In the worst-case scenario, she may believe that you are trying to buy her affection or into her bed. Or that you don't have the confidence to win her without resorting to showing off your money. 

These gifts would be much better suited a few months down the line when you are in a committed relationship at the very minimum.

Romance is a beautiful thing, and it can be gratifying to do something that makes other people happy. However, excessively putting yourself out to try to win someone over is a clear sign of neediness. 

And we know that neediness is a severe attraction killer. 

C. Why Men Want To Compliment Women And Buy Them Gifts

Couple talking to each other and giving compliments

There's nothing wrong with paying for dinner or a small, inexpensive gift. But at the start, you need to avoid trying to gain affection through any means other than simply being yourself and spending quality time with your date. 

Yes, as men, we might feel the need to lavish a girl with compliments and gifts to gain their affection. We believe this behavior is correct. We see it in the movies, and we're encouraged to do it by our friends and society in general.  

We also don't believe that simply being ourselves is enough. We think we need to somehow make ourselves better by showing off our money or trying to gain affection through compliments. 

However, you cannot buy attention or love, and all a girl wants is for us to be ourselves, show some internal value, and lead the dating relationship

Curbing this needy behavior involves recognizing that your time and company are enough to warrant affection. That within yourself, you have enough to attract your new date. 

Not resorting to gifts or compliments too soon will also ensure that she is with you for the right reasons and not just because of the money you spend on her.

Some girls want a guy to lavish them with gifts and will take advantage of your naivety. There is nothing wrong with spending money on women but save it for women that are genuinely interested in you and at timescales in the relationship where it is appropriate. 

Any girl who is with you purely for material benefits will not be the kind of person who will return true love and devotion to you.

D. How To Give Compliments And Gifts - With Examples

If you're still confused, here are some examples of how to behave. 

1. Should I Buy My Date Flowers?

Don't take flowers to your first date, or even your second or third. Flowers are a gift, and reek of trying to buy her affection. 

Instead, dress and present yourself well, be on time, and be attentive to her. Ask her open-ended questions and show her that you will take your time to get to know her.  

She'll respect this behavior.

2. How To Give Compliments

Limit your compliments to one per date, and combine them with a bit of challenge or intrigue. Try not to compliment your dates' looks or body. Instead, compliment her personality or the way she behaves. 

You can tell her you love the fact she was on time, instead of how great her legs are. If you feel compelled to compliment her legs, then end the compliment by saying that "luckily you are not a leg man." At least this throws in some intrigue. 

If you're brave, say this with a cheeky grin. "You have great legs, phew, luckily I'm not attracted to legs. Otherwise, we'd have a problem."

You can also soften compliments by adding words like "today" or "seem" to them.

Telling your new date, she "seems" to have a great attitude is far better than insisting she has a great attitude. Or you can say, your hair looks incredible "today," implying that she will have to keep up the excellent work to have it looking fantastic tomorrow. 

Hopefully, that makes sense.    

Lastly, test out not complimenting her at all. Not giving compliments will be very odd for her because most girls get a lot of compliments. Your behavior will raise her levels of intrigue and might lead her to start complimenting you. 

Read MoreUse These 7 Tips To Overcome Awkwardness On A First Date

3. Should I Tell My Date How I Feel?

You might think telling a girl how you feel will make her like you more, just like a compliment. 

However, telling a girl how you feel about her is a bad idea. You see this behavior in the movies a lot. And that's where it should stay. 

It would be best if you did not tell her how you feel because this is entirely unrelated to how she feels about you. And by telling her, you are pleading for a positive response from her, which shows a severe lack of internal strength and could quickly push her away. 

So keep quiet about your feelings and instead lead the relationship and the conversation like she expects you to do.

Instead of telling her how you feel, show her through your actions. In other words, by asking her on a second date or leaning in for a kiss at the right time. 

4. Your Date Asks You to Buy Her Something Expensive

If your new date asks you to buy her something expensive, politely decline and see what she does. 

Either she's testing you and will be severely attracted to you declining her wish - it shows admirable internal strength and will set you apart from most men. Or she'll be hugely unhappy and leave.

5. Your Date Asks You To Help Her Move House Or Do Some Work Around Her House

Again, politely decline and see what she does.  

Helping her out this way seems more acceptable, but it's no different from buying her affection. You don't want to do this too soon in your relationship.  

6. Your Date Brings You A Small Gift

Accept the gift graciously, thank her and keep it the center of attention throughout the date. 

In the future, if she ever comes to your place, make sure it's in a prominent place because she'll be looking out for it. 

E. When Is It Appropriate To Give Gifts And Compliments

If you've refrained from giving compliments and expensive gifts and your date progresses into a more serious relationship, then you can be confident that you have a genuine girl. And that you've demonstrated enough internal strength and value as a person to attract and keep her. 

At this point, it's ok to start complimenting and buying gifts. But ensure these actions are consistent, are from your heart, and not driven by needy behavior. 

F. Summary

Avoid giving flowers, compliments, favors, and expensive gifts in the early part of a relationship. 

This behavior is needy and shows a lack of confidence because it relies on using things external to you to attract her. It also shows her that you possibly have low internal value. 

Instead, eliminate all behaviors that are trying to convince her to like you. This simple step ensures you will attract only a genuine girl.  

Lastly, work on your internal value and your purpose if you think you will struggle not to give gifts or compliments. If you struggle to get rid of this needy behavior, it's a sure sign that you lack some self-esteem and respect.

Please fix it.

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