How Women Test You And How To Handle It

Last updated on : September 17 2023

Questioning girl

Article Summary

Although you might find a woman testing you as confusing, it doesn't mean you don't need to understand or be prepared for these tests. 

Because the great thing is, if you handle her tests properly, there is a huge opportunity to increase her attraction for you and strengthen your relationship with her.  

Click on the links below to learn more.  

Why do women test men

Nine common female tests and how to handle them


Frequently Asked Questions

Why Do Women Test Men?

If you're cynical, you might believe that women test men to see how much devotion, or money, gifts, and tributes, they can squeeze out of you without doing much in return, in particular sex. 

Or, you might think their motivation is to prove they are the most powerful woman in the community. Or just that they are selfish or jaded.

Indeed these reasons may be valid for a cohort of women, but the reality is that women test men at the beginning of a relationship to find out if the man has the traits she values the most in a partner.

Very often, she's interested in evaluating how much you're paying attention to her and whether you're selfless and invested in a commitment to her.

She might also test whether you have good potential to offer security and safety to her, particularly if she wants to start a family.  

Although you might find this behavior confusing because most men tend not to test women, it doesn't mean you don't need to understand or be prepared for these tests. 

Because the great thing is, if you handle her tests properly, there is a huge opportunity to increase her attraction for you and strengthen your relationship with her.  

So believe that when a woman tests you, it's a strong indicator of her interest in you because she wants to make sure you're the right guy for her. 

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Nine Common Female Tests And How To Handle Them

Girl looking intently

Here are nine tests a woman might throw at you and how to handle them. 

They are not all the tests you might get from your new girlfriend or date, but they will provide you with enough knowledge and understanding to handle this aspect of her like a pro. 

1. The Direct Verbal Challenge 

Teasing you, saying something negative about you, or lightly putting you down all constitute direct verbal challenges.  

You will most likely receive this test shortly after you meet, often when you introduce yourself or in your first conversation with her. 

Examples might be comments like, "is that the best you can do," "you don't look my type at all," or "do you always dress like that when going out." 

She might say you have a goofy laugh, or you don't prepare yourself well for a date with her. 

She's saying these things to see your reaction. She wants to know that you're keeping your calm, that you are not easily shifted from your frame, and remain clever in your responses. 

If you find these direct verbal challenges insulting and look to defend yourself or criticize her in response, you have effectively failed the tests. 

How To Pass The Direct Verbal Challenge Test 

There are three ways that you can handle direct verbal challenges. All three are equally effective, so choose the one that works best for you, or rotate around them for variety in your responses. 

The first way to handle a direct verbal challenge is to agree with her comments and exaggerate your response to get a smile from her. 

For example, if she says, "do you always talk like this to pretty girls," then you can respond playfully with, "yes, you should see me with my grandma's friends. I have them rolling on the floor" 

Instead of defending yourself, you're exaggerating and making fun of the thing she is highlighting about you to downplay the interaction and get a smile from her. 

If she smiles genuinely or laughs at your reply, you've done well. Test passed. 

The second thing you can do is ignore what she says entirely like she never said anything at all. 

How you accomplish ignoring her comments is quite tricky because you want to show her that you heard what she said but that you are above being disturbed by it, and her words don't deserve a response. 

For example, if during a conversation she says, "you're so lame," then look at her quietly with a cheeky grin and continue the conversation as if she said nothing at all. 

It would be best to display strength and confidence in your body language and facial expressions when going through this test. If you look flustered or moved, then you've failed. 

Ignoring her comments with the right attitude shows your new date or girlfriend that you're not affected by her words, which is how you pass the test.

The third way you can handle a direct verbal challenge from a woman is to interpret it as a huge compliment.

So whatever she says, no matter how negative it sounds, interpret it as if she's complimenting you, and thank her for being so lovely and considerate. 

Again, the object is to get her taken aback and surprised by your response so that she smiles or laughs, leaving you a winner.  

For example, if she says with a smile that you're irritating her, respond by saying how sweet it is to hear that. It's the best compliment you've heard all day. 

If you've done it well, she'll be disarmed by your unexpected response and break into an appreciative smile - you've passed the test.  

2. The Jealousy Test

Jealousy is hugely unattractive in a man and highlights a lack of internal strength. Plus, it is a strong indicator that you might be needy or clingy

Jealousy can also be dangerous to a girl, mainly if she's the type that gets a lot of attention from men, and so she needs to know whether you are the jealous type or not. 

Hence the jealousy test, which you'll often get at the beginning stages of dating her. 

Read MoreSo You Want To Make Your Ex Jealous - Here Are Seven Incredible Ways

How To Pass The Jealousy Test

There are mainly two ways a girl might test you for jealousy. 

The first is she'll throw in a comment about her ex. The fast car he drives and how he spoiled her at the finest restaurants. Maybe she'll say he was a part-time fitness instructor or lifeguard, anything to prick your ears so she can look for a reaction.  

The second way she can test you is to strike up a quick and innocent conversation with another guy if you're in a bar or party and watch how you react. 

When you're being tested for jealousy, you mustn't display any jealousy or react negatively. Your new girlfriend or date will be much more attracted to you if you can keep a cool head and respond positively to her tests. 

So when she talks about her ex, comment on how lucky she must have been to have such a tremendous boyfriend and that you hope you can live up to his standards, smiling cheekily.

And if she chats innocently to another guy in your presence, let her do it, and come back to you when she's ready. Don't prod her or try to catch her attention or get aggressive with the guy she's chatting to.  

Keep yourself busy talking to someone else, even another girl, if necessary. 

Of course, if she takes it too far with another guy, then you might not want to see her again. You have your boundaries, of course. But if it's an innocent interaction designed to test your jealousy, then do as we describe above. 

Now you're aware of how a jealousy test looks, don't react to them negatively. Instead, catch your emotions, remain cool and calm and turn the situation to your advantage.  

3. The Favors Test 

Women mainly perform the favors test subconsciously. However, some women will intentionally try to understand how easy you are to please her.

When you first meet or within the first few dates, if you are too easy to do a favor for a girl when she asks, or even when she doesn't, you run the risk of her losing attraction for you and being friend-zoned.

She'll think you are way too easy and might lose respect for you if you do too much too soon. Relationships are based on respect, and she cannot be attracted or fall in love with you if she doesn't respect you. 

How To Pass The Favors Test

A girl might test you by asking small favors or larger ones, and how you react needs to balance politeness and firmness. 

So if she asks you to help move apartments or do some DIY around her house, you should politely decline these large favor requests while dating. 

However, if she asks you to hold her purse while she goes to the bathroom, you can accept, but only if she says, please. If she doesn't say please, lightly remind her to be polite when asking for favors. 

When you're her established boyfriend, then you can do all the favors for her she needs, but never overdo it and always insist on politeness.  

Remember that people warm to you more when doing things for you, not when you do something for them. So keep a healthy balance when it comes to favors, and you'll pass the favors test. 

4. The Hard To Get Test

A girl might play hard to get to understand if you're someone who gives up quickly or you're a strong man who knows what he wants and is ready to fight for it.  

How To Pass The Hard To Get Test

When you're faced with this test, remember the mantra, 'always lead, never chase". 

If you lead the interaction with your new girl crush, you'll be just fine. If you chase, she'll likely lose respect and attraction for you.  

Leading means you set up times to date at your convenience, give her the space to interact and chase you, take her hand and even lean forward to kiss her when the time arrives. 

Leading is different from chasing. You are chasing when you're texting your date or new girlfriend too much or just generally being too needy and anxious about her feelings for you.  

If you lead like a man and don't chase, you will pass the hard-to-get test. 

5. The Asking About Your Past Test

Another way women test you is by digging through your past and asking you about your dating life before her. 

When your date or new girlfriend is prying into your past, she's trying to understand what sort of guy you are, whether you are a nice guy in disguise or a serial narcissist who enjoys breaking hearts. 

Or whether you still have feelings for someone else and are using her as a rebound. 

How To Pass The Asking About Your Past Test

When she asks for details about your ex-girlfriends, make sure you only have positive things to say about the girls you dated before and your behavior. 

You do not want to run down or talk negatively about your exes because your new girlfriend or date will think you a douchebag if you do. 

She'll feel better if she hears you talking about them with respect and can see the love you had is long gone. This behavior is how you pass the test. 

6. The Friends Test

When a girl you've been dating introduces you to her friends or family, it's a surefire sign that she likes you, possibly with serious intentions. 

However, it's also a test for you. 

Your new date or girlfriend wants to see how you'll behave and whether the people she trusts and cares for think the two of you will be a good match. 

How To Pass The Friends Test

When you meet her friends and family, ensure your behavior is consistent with how you've treated her up to that point. You don't want to be over-enthusiastic or knowingly try to impress. 

Remain cool and your solid self, and you'll pass the test with flying colors. 

7. The Details Test

Girl asking questions with her eyes

Women tend to pay attention to the little things – to dates and details. While men generally couldn't care less about the details, no matter how deeply they care for someone.

When a woman tells you a lot about herself, she wants to find out how much she means to you. She is testing you to see whether you remember what she tells you today, in the future.  

She'll talk about her favorite food, her favorite color, the places she loves to visit, the brands she loves, or her deepest passions and desires. Or loads of other detail that might seem overly talkative or irrelevant to you.    

However, these are all the things you need to remember if you want to pass her details test. Otherwise, she'll think you aren't listening to her or paying attention to what she's saying and maybe don't care about her.  

How To Pass The Details Test

When your new girlfriend or date talks, pay attention to what she is saying and try to bring up the details she gives you in a conversation with her in the future. 

If necessary, write down important things like dates, friend's names, or other information you might easily forget. 

When you pay attention like this, you'll exhibit behavior that few men do. You'll stand out in her eyes, and she might fall head over heels with the perfect man you are.  

8. The Flake Test  

You are flake tested when your new date or girlfriend agrees to go out with you, and then 30 minutes before she's supposed to meet you, she sends you a text saying she can't make it. 

Or worse, she doesn't turn up.

How To Pass The Flake Test

There are only three possible reasons why a girl cancels on you at the last minute. 

The first reason might be she's not interested in you but couldn't say no to you. The second reason is she's testing you to see your reaction, and the third reason is that she has a valid excuse, some emergency, etc.

The good news is that no matter what her underlying reason is, your response is the same. 

You respond by not reacting or being negative, or getting mad. If your new date or girlfriend flakes on you, no matter the excuse, then remain calm, accept what she is saying and let her reengage you later if she wants to. 

You don't want to text her again or arrange another time. You want her to take the next step by contacting you again. And if she does, then you can set another time to meet up with her.  

Remaining calm, not chasing her, not trying to set up a new date, and waiting for her to make contact again, is how you pass this test. This behavior will have her more interested in you if she contacts you again.    

If she never makes contact, well, then you haven't wasted a further second on her, and you've demonstrated healthy levels of internal strength and self-respect. These strengths are desirable to the next girl you meet.  

Another version of the flake test is when she takes a long time to respond to your text messages or doesn't respond at all. We've written an entire article on what to do under these circumstances. In essence, you do nothing.  

9. The Potential Test

You might think you need to be wealthy, have a fantastic job, drive a car, and live in the coolest place ever to get the girl of your dreams.

But this thinking is not true at all. 

You can still get the girl of your dreams when you are dirt poor, provided, in her eyes, you have the potential for a better life.

How To Pass The Potential Test

To get through the potential test, you have to pass all the tests your new girlfriend or date throws at you, including the ones we describe above. PLUS, you have to demonstrate the drive, passion, and ambition to better yourself over time. 

You might do this by studying at a university or college, by building a new business or successful career.

In so doing, you will need to demonstrate a passion and interest that is more than just taking care of or pleasing your new girlfriend or date. It should also be something that makes or will make money. 

Demonstrating the potential for a better life and the security she needs is enough for the right girl to love and care for you.  


Close up of a girls eyes

When a woman tests you, take it as a compliment and a sign of interest. It is these things because she is assessing your qualities as a potential life partner.  

And although most women don't understand they are testing you, doing it subconsciously, you still want to be proficient in knowing when you are being tested and how to deal with her tests like a pro. 

Because when you pass her tests by handling her challenges well, you disarm her, which is really attractive and hugely positive for both of you.

Use the nine tests in this article to increase your knowledge and understanding of how women can test you and what to do when they do.

Frequently Asked Questions

Here are the questions most frequently asked by our readers.

1. What do women mean when they test you? 

When women test you, they're often looking to assess your qualities, such as confidence, reliability, and integrity. It's a way to see if you're a good match for them.

2. How can I tell if a woman is testing me? 

Pay attention to subtle challenges or questions that might seem like a test. They can range from teasing comments to asking about your past experiences.

3. What's the best way to respond to a woman's tests?

Stay calm and confident. Address the test with humor or a light-hearted response. Show that you're not easily rattled, and don't take it personally.

4. Can failing a test ruin my chances with a woman? 

Not necessarily. Failing a test can happen to anyone. It's how you recover that matters. Apologize if necessary, but don't dwell on it. Keep showing your best self.

5. Are these tests a sign of a lack of trust? 

Not necessarily. Women may test you to understand you better, not because they distrust you. It's a way of getting to know you on a deeper level.

6. How can I use these tests as an opportunity to strengthen the connection? 

Embrace these moments as chances to showcase your character. Use them to build rapport and show your true self. It can lead to a stronger bond.

7. Is it okay to set boundaries when facing tests? 

Absolutely. Healthy boundaries are crucial. If a test crosses a line or makes you uncomfortable, communicate your boundaries respectfully.

8. Should I always pass these tests, or is it okay to fail occasionally? 

Nobody's perfect. Occasionally failing can humanize you and make you more relatable. It's how you handle the aftermath that truly matters. 

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