How To Save Your Marriage - The Dos And Don'ts Of A Successful Marriage

Last updated on : August 21 2020

Interlocking marriage rings on a wet surface

How To Save Your Marriage

Marriage is an integral stage in any man's life. It can either be fulfilling or sour, depending on the choices he makes.

In the first few months, marriage is full of happiness, love, and all you want is to spend the rest of your life with your partner. As the marriage progresses, things often start changing, quarrels become frequent, love begins to fade, and you start feeling that you and your partner are growing apart.

What could have gone wrong? This question remains a mystery to many men and is often left unresolved. The answer is that we do not see the signals that our marriage is in danger, or how to make amends to save the marriage.

If you've been wondering how you can save your marriage, the following dos and don'ts will help you immensely. 

Dos in a Marriage

Love Is Unconditional

You should always love the person you married and not the partner you expect her to become. Once you placed the ring on her finger, you committed yourself to her irrespective of her behavior or weaknesses.

You should love her with her shortcomings and try to make them her strengths. Do not try to mold her into what you want her to become. No matter her behavior or habits, she deserves exceptional love and affection from you.

Loving her with no conditions doesn't mean accepting harmful or disrespectful behavior. Instead, it's the minimum starting point for a successful long term relationship, from which you can work together on the needs and wishes you both want.

If you're finding yourself wanting to change her or mold her behavior to suit you, stop immediately and reconsider your actions. You are destroying her attraction levels for you. Learn to love her for what she is and the unique qualities she offers only you.

Marriage Is Forever

Many people take marriage as a stage of life, one that they need to get through. If you are one of them, then you are so wrong.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment meaning you will do anything to ensure you spend the rest of your life with the one you chose. Even in the darkest time, you must remember your marriage vows and take them seriously. You made a promise to the person you married, learn to keep that promise. 

It all starts in your mind. If you have made it clear to yourself that your marriage will last a lifetime, then you will be more committed to ensuring it is long-lasting.

Be Respectful

No marriage lacks issues. What defines an enjoyable and successful marriage is the ability to deal with them fairly and respectfully.  

In any argument, always consider what's best for the marriage, not what's best for you. Know that you never win a fight, you destroy attraction. So work on understanding what might cause arguments or disagreements and remedy before they flare-up. 

If you want to fight, take a deep breath, and consider the long term implications of where your destructive behavior might lead. Yes, stand up for yourself, but remember there are three beings in a relationship, you, your wife, and the marriage.

Consider what is important to you, and deal with the issues appropriately.  

Communicate Frequently

Communication is the most vital tool in any relationship. It is also about having fun, being present, and paying valuable attention to your partner and their needs. 

Establishing effective communication means embracing it rather than seeing it as a duty or a chore. Take time to have conversations with your partner, and give your full undivided attention when doing so.

Don't be distracted. Instead, be present and attentive. Focus on listening rather than offering advice and show confidence in your partner's abilities to solve issues themselves.     

If you find yourself caught up in your world, consider the damage you are doing to your relationship. Loving relationships feed off quality communication and attention, so inject these back into your relationship today. 

Be Faithful and Forgiving

If there is something that women do not recover from is unfaithfulness. Once you cheat on her, you will undoubtedly break the marriage.

If you feel the need to cheat or are creating opportunities to do so, then examine your motives. Consider what you will lose and whether this is a price you want to pay.

Look back at the dos we discussed above and remind yourself of why you are married, and your duties as a partner. A long term successful marriage will provide you much nourishment in your life and needs to be valued.

In marriage, you should also not be quick in making a harsh decision on small things. Learn the act of forgiving when your spouse makes mistakes. Consistent behavior here will also help to nourish your marriage.

Remember To Date

Yes, you need to date your partner both before and after your marriage. Just because you're married doesn't absolve you from the romance of dating. 

Dating is fun. Make sure you spend at least one night a week on a formal date with your partner. Your date night doesn't have to be expensive. It can be as simple as coffee at your local coffee shop, followed by icecream. 

Don'ts in a Marriage

The following are what you should not do to avoid losing your marriage.

Don't Deny sex

Sex is fundamental to a successful marriage. A long time without sex is almost certainly a sign that your marriage is failing and needs attention. Yes, in many cases, marriages break due to sexual dissatisfaction or sexual abuse.

Sometimes, men or women withhold sex because of fights or a misunderstanding. They find themselves not able to stand being in the same room with their partner. And they act this way not for days or weeks but months.

Using sex as a weapon to get back at your partner is dangerous in any marriage. It will make the woman hurt emotionally and make her love and affection for you to fade away.

Other times, couples have merely lost attraction for each other, and sex wanes as a result. In these circumstances, your marriage has fallen victim to negligence and needs revival. Go back to the drawing board and adopt the dos above with enthusiasm. When you do, you will see the marriage recover and good sex again following.

Remember, marriage is an investment. Don't let it fall into negligence. Use the lack of sex as a warning signal and fix things before it goes on too long. 

Don't Be Self-Centered.

You may be guilty of being self-centered in so many subtle ways. Not sharing or showing a lack of understanding are examples. 

More obviously, many men show their selfish acts by spending more time with their buddies than their spouses. Be it going to clubs for a drink or watching football matches, playing dota2 or other computer games.

This behavior is selfish and self-centered. However, to resolve doesn't necessarily mean not seeing your friends. Instead, include your partner in your activities with your friends. Take her to the football game with your friends and involve her in the excitement.

Marriage is all about sharing the excitement in your life with your partner. Allow it to happen, and you might be surprised at the outcome. It will prevent her from feeling that she is unwanted. Moreover, it will fill your marriage with fun, making it healthier. 

Don't Lie

Who doesn't hate people who lie to them? The same thing happens to your spouse when you lie to them. They start hating you instead of loving you, and their trust for you fades.

Lies come in different forms. You might lie to her about where you are going, or you might hide essential things like finances from her. When she comes to find out the truth, that's when things fall apart.

Lies will make her never to trust what you say even if you are telling her the truth. And she might start lying to you and having secrets in return. When this happens, there is no easy repair to it. It will most likely lead to a broken marriage.

So, to ensure a successful marriage, always be honest with your spouse. And avoid keeping secrets from her, from the beginning. This behavior will also ensure your self-esteem remains high.

Don't Be Entirely Independent.

Being independent is a good thing as a man. However, in marriage, you should not be overly individualistic. Learn to abstain from the attitude that you don't need her help because you are the man.

A sensible man will involve his spouse in his problems and ask her for help when he is stuck. When you face any challenge, she should be the first one you consult for advice.

Involving her will make her feel that she is an integral part of your life. It will make your marriage healthier and the bond for each other stronger.

However, what's important is for you not to lean on your spouse, needing her for your happiness. Or showing anxiety when she isn't close or supporting you. Neediness and fear are fatal attraction killers and do not belong in any man.

As a man, make sure you have a purpose in life, and that you commit to it. Share your goals with your wife. And yes, use her for help. But do not become dependent on her in a way that leads to anxiety or neediness. 

Don't Become Abusive.

A bad temper is the root of anger, which makes many people abusive. Loss of temper is common in many marriages, but it destroys marriages when it becomes chronic or abusive.

There are different forms of abuse, including emotional, physical, or verbal, and none are acceptable. It doesn't matter how angry you are or disappointed you are because abuse is never the way to solve things.

Abuse is a primary cause of divorce in today's world. Women demand that you respect them and show them love, so make sure you do.

Conclusion

couple kissing in a sunflower field

Many pitfalls may lead to an unhealthy marriage, but you can avoid all by making the right choices. Make an effort to rebuild your marriage by removing your bad behaviors and adding in new positive responses - taking the time to invest can save you a lot of break up angst

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