How to Keep the Flame Alive After 50
Last updated on : June 20 2019
Is your relationship starting to feel the wear of time and age?
Sometimes as we grow older, our health, energy, and intimacy interests begin to decline. To compensate for this, we often fall into a routine with our partners. While this may feel comfortable and safe, it can also make it harder for your love life to feel spontaneous, exciting, or passionate.
If you feel like you and your partner’s connection or spark is starting to flicker, it may be time to make some adjustments to your lifestyle and relationship.
In this article, we share practical steps on making time for your partner and rekindle the flame you hope to keep burning bright for years to come - good advice to avoid picking up the pieces of a breakup, divorce, or separation.
Plan a surprise
There’s nothing more romantic than a surprise.
If age has caused you to settle into a routine in your life and relationship, spontaneity and unexpected acts could be an effective way to introduce some passion back into your love life.
Whether it be a short weekend getaway, or a thoughtful, spur-of-the-moment gift, your spouse or significant other will appreciate the thought that went into it.
Perhaps the best way to surprise your love is planning an entire evening for you to enjoy together. Although it may be more comfortable to stay in and binge your latest Netflix interest, try putting forth a little extra effort by planning a surprise date.
Dinner and drinks, a trip to the theater, or a walk in the park during sunset all offer romance and the opportunity to reaffirm your affections.
Want to get even more creative? Try writing them a small love note on the day of, explaining the plan in general detail so they can let their anticipation mount.
If you have the time, you can set up a scavenger hunt or a recreation of your first date to impress your partner, remind them of your youthful affections, and create an unforgettable night.
Be sure to put in effort beyond just the planning, however: the small details matter too! Create a mood-setting playlist, try out a new form-fitting dress, or spend a little extra time on a new hairstyle to wow your partner and set the tone for a sexy night.
Schedule time in the bedroom
Physical intimacy is a crucial aspect of a healthy relationship. All too often, however, couples don’t prioritize their sex lives as they grow older.
Whether this is due to health issues, age-related sexual disorders, or just a lack of passion, there are ways to ensure your sex life remains healthy and fulfilling as you age.
Start by scheduling alone time to ensure that you won’t have any distractions.
Although it may not seem romantic, scheduled time in the bedroom will allow you to maintain physical closeness without having to stress about any possible interruptions.
If your sex life feels stale, try out a few innocent, but teasing activities like holding hands or keeping eye contact beforehand. Then, talk about your sexual desires, erotic fantasies, and turn-ons. A frank conversation will only open the door for more enjoyable, experimental intimacy and help you and your partner grow closer.
Once things get moving, add a little variation to your routine. Switch up positions or introduce new aspects to your activity, like toys, to keep things steamy and fresh.
It’s important to remember, however, that as we grow older, our bodies change, so your closeness preparation may be a little different than it was in your newlywed stage.
For example, menopause can lower women’s libido, just as old age can cause testosterone deficiency and sexual performance changes in men. Your sex life does not have to suffer from this, however. There are plenty of lifestyle changes and medications that can help reinvigorate your sex life.
Older women often find that using lubricant can make sex more enjoyable while introducing more foreplay into the bedroom can boost their arousal. In comparison, men’s sexual performances often benefit from Kegel exercises paired with a premature finish medication, like sertraline, that can help them last longer in bed.
Cater to these suggestions to your own needs to boost your bedroom activities and get intimate with your partner.
Find separate hobbies
While it seems counter-intuitive, the adage may be right: distance can sometimes make the heart grow fonder.
It’s essential that you and your partner both have your passion outside of the relationship, so you don’t become too dependent on each other, especially as you enter retirement age.
Everyone has separate interests, so rather than dragging your significant other to classes that they don’t enjoy, try them out by yourself. A little independence will boost your confidence levels and improve your mood, two essential aspects of a healthy relationship.
Certain activities can also offer an excellent opportunity to show support for your loved one. If they participate in community music, dance, or theater groups, you can attend a performance to encourage their hard work and feel inspired by their talent.
Alternatively, look for hobbies like cooking, gardening, woodworking, or writing that you can turn into romantic gifts. There are always classes nearby that you, or your partner, can check out!
That said, it’s also good to experience new things as a couple, something which can be difficult if you’ve been together for several years.
Travel offers an excellent opportunity to explore new places and build memories with the person you love without the distractions of everyday life.
The stress-relieving benefits of vacation can also alleviate many relational issues while improving your communication and teamwork. On top of all that, the romance of exotic or gothic cities can offer a jolt of passion to your relationship.
These attributes will help you return home happier, more fulfilled, and more in love. 63% of couples say travel has helped strengthen their relationship.
The best areas to travel to depends on both of your interests and history. Do you like adventurous activities or purely relaxing trips? Let this information guide your decision between a mountainous area (like Lake Placid, NY), a beach (try Bali), or a historic city (Florence, Italy is the place to go).
Most areas have tours or options that are catered more toward older adults and even couples, so you can’t go wrong. If you have specific health concerns, however, make sure to check with a local travel agent before booking flights or activities.
Whether you’re able to splurge on a luxury trip, or are working with a budget, there are always ways to make your travel romantic.
Consider agreeing to each plan a surprise day, for example. This way, you’ll be able to do activities that are interesting to both of you, with a little extra adventure. Try to add in a few surprises, like candlelit dinners or trips to the flower market, to treat your partner.
Unplug from distractions
Many Baby Boomers who are still working are attached continuously to electronics. Emails, texts, and phone calls are seemingly constant invader in our private lives.
However, when you and your significant other are spending time together, whether it’s romantic or not, it’s essential to be fully present. This commitment will not only help you enjoy the moment more, but it will also reinforce your presence in the relationship.
Therefore, it’s crucial that you spend time together without distractions. Disconnect from wifi, turn off your phone and go somewhere quiet and alone, together.
Without the distractions of the outside world, you’ll be able to reconnect more effectively. Regularly checking your phone, although sometimes required for work or children, can cause relationship-damaging stress and resentment.
It’s important to show commitment to your partner and relationship by putting aside these distractions as much as possible when you’re together.
Try starting small: a phone-free dinner or an hour without electronics. Then, lengthen the amount of time spent digitally-free until you’re able to focus on the moment without worrying about a set time frame.
This approach should help compartmentalize your outside stressors and keep them from encroaching on your alone time, ultimately strengthening your bond with your partner.
A healthy, fulfilling relationship takes more than just time. It requires work, especially as we grow older.
If you think your partner would benefit from some special attention, try one of the above tactics to boost the passion and commitment in your relationship.
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The Kewl Shop
The Kewl Shop is a blog. We write about all things lifestyle with a strong focus on relationships, self-love, beauty, fitness, and health. Important stuff that every modern woman or man needs to know.
Editor: Charles Fitzgerald