How To Date Romantically - The 6 Principles For Dating Success
Last updated on : November 19 2020
Romantic Dating Principles
This article explains the six principles of dating success. It gives you the knowledge to romantically date with more expertise and helps you make relationship choices that work for the long term.
If you're struggling to meet the right long-term partner or are getting only through the first few dates before rejection, then this article is for you.
The article also forms the backbone of a whole section on dating designed to inform you more completely - so you will find links to more detailed explanations and support as you read through it.
The advice applies equally to both sexes. However, where applicable, we have noted where you might need to use a different tactic if a boy or girl.
Here are the six principles of dating summarised. Jump to the section you want by clicking on the headings.
It doesn't matter what form the first approach takes, but it needs to happen if you want to start the dating process.
You've completed the approach, and you've got off to a good start. But is your crush sufficiently interested in you.? This principle will help you work that out.
You've got through the approach, and you've established your crush has high levels of interest in you.
The next dating principle - Isolate For Intimacy - will take your relationship to the next level.
Your crush is showing high levels of interest, and you've spent some time alone, maybe you've kissed, or more. But is your crush right for you?
Use this fourth dating principle to help you understand whether you are a good fit for each other.
You've got through the approach with healthy initial interest, you've spent some intimate times together, and your new partner is passing your long-term potential tests.
Now it's safe for you to kick off the fifth dating principle and create a bond strong enough for love.
Your relationship is solidifying into a long term commitment. You've conquered the approach, you've established both initial interest and long-term potential, you're intimate, and you're building a healthy emotional love bond.
The last principle - Escalating and Monitoring - will ensure your relationship continues to grow from strength to strength.
Here is the detail.
Principle 1 - The Approach
This principle describes the need for the first interaction between you and your crush. It doesn't matter what form the first approach takes, but it needs to happen if you want to start the dating process.
It might be at a nightclub, bar, restaurant, or even the local library, or it might be through an online dating service.
There are a million different ways to meet someone - however, if you want to succeed at dating, you need to get through the approach.
Who approaches first - the man or woman?
Typically it's the man's role to make the first approach, and we encourage men to do exactly this. Learn how to approach and flirt with a girl here.
If you're a girl, it's better that you encourage an approach rather than actively approach your crush yourself. Often this is easiest done with a smile or eye-contact.
The tactic of encouraging your boy crush to approach you serves two purposes:
- Firstly it makes your crush work for your attention and won't make you look too easy.
- Secondly, it'll convey to you what sort of person your boy crush is.
Here's an explanation of the second reason - if you've created an invitation for your boy crush to approach you by smiling or pleasant eye contact and he still doesn't come to you. Then it's probably a sign that there is no interest or that he isn't the man you were hoping him to be. It might be time to look elsewhere.
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Summary so far - You've completed the approach, and you've got off to a good start. But is your crush sufficiently interested in you.? The next dating principle will help you work that out.
Principle 2 - Assess Interest Levels
To have any success in dating, you need to establish whether there is any initial interest in you shortly after the approach and whether your crush maintains that interest over time.
Healthy relationships require high levels of interest in each other. Without it, the relationship will falter. So whether you are a girl or a guy, you need to continuously assess your partner's interest levels and adjust your behavior where appropriate.
It's usually easy to assess the initial interest in you after an approach, but more challenging to see fading interest levels over time.
Here are some things to test. If you're failing any, then sadly, your crush might not have enough romantic interest in you or is losing attraction for you fast.
- After the approach, your crush turns towards you and engages in a playful and flirting conversation.
- You exchange telephone numbers or contact details.
- You have a first date, and more follow.
- By the second or third date, you touch and exchange kisses.
- You start to talk about commitment and love.
- You commit to each other, continue to date regularly, maintain high affection levels, and have a healthy sex life.
- You're kind and supportive of each other and fight for each other.
- You cheer each other's achievements and remain optimistic about your life together. You're intrinsically happy together.
- You grow old together, continually supporting each other, reinforcing all that is positive about your relationship, and continue to enjoy satisfying sex life.
If there is no initial interest, then don't waste any further time with your date. You cannot force someone or talk someone into being interested in you. So, if there's no interest, then move onto someone new.
However, if you notice a faltering interest in your established relationship, you need to deal with it fast and effectively. There are a few techniques to do so, and we cover these in other articles listed in the related topic section below.
Summary so far - You've got through the approach, and you've established your crush has high levels of interest in you. The next dating principle - Isolate For Intimacy - will take your relationship to the next level.
Principle 3 - Isolate For Intimacy
The dating principle of isolating occurs mostly in the first few weeks of your relationship. It refers to finding the appropriate time and place to move from conversation to a more intimate connection.
It's mostly the man's responsibility to lead any isolating activity, with the girl enabling. However, girls, don't be afraid to take the lead here, too, especially as your relationship progresses.
Here are examples of how isolation might occur:
- When making the first approach, if your crush is in a group of friends, you cannot have a meaningful one on one conversation until you can find a way to remove them politely from the group or isolate their attention towards you only.
- In this example, isolation might be as simple as getting your crush to turn towards you with their back to their friends, or it might be that you both physically move to a quieter place.
- As you progress, you need sufficient isolation to achieve the first kiss. You might need to find a quiet place if you don't want to kiss in public.
- And similarly, when the time is right, you need to create enough alone time for touching and sex to happen.
Isolation must always be consensual, and so you isolate by asking or making suggestions only.
You can see isolating is also a keen measure of interest. If you feel your crush attempting to separate you from the crowd - then you can know that there is a high level of interest in you.
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Summary so far - Your crush is showing high levels of interest, and you've spent some time alone, maybe you've kissed, or more. But is your crush right for you?
The next dating principle - Qualification - will help you understand whether you are a good fit for each other.
Principle 4 - Long-Term Qualification
This principle applies equally to both sexes.
If your dating objective is to find the right long-term partner, you need to begin qualifying your new partner as soon as possible - this means assessing your new partner's long-term potential.
Long-term potential refers to the qualities you want in a partner that make them suitable for marriage or equivalent long-term commitment.
To arrive at the answer, you need a three-step process:
- The first is deciding what qualities you want in a long-term partner. We've helped you out with this step below.
- The second is testing your partner for these qualities. Do they have them or not?
- And the third step is appropriately telling your partner that you are testing them, so they can see you haven't prequalified them.
You might wonder why telling them is important. Well, your new partner needs to understand that you haven't prequalified them, say on their looks alone. This type of prequalification would make an attractive woman uncomfortable, for example, if she thought all you are interested in is how she looks.
What To Look For In A Long Term Partner
Here are some examples of the qualities you might want to look for, noting that it may take you some time to observe and conclude on them safely:
- Your partner is giving in nature - you want a partner who is happy to do things for you without being asked or reminded, as you are glad to for them. Little gestures like making the bed in the mornings or giving up some spare time for you are essential and telling considerations.
- Your partner is responsible - for instance, your partner has healthy habits and is respectful of right and wrong.
- Your partner is stable emotionally - there are no irrational moments or flying unnecessarily off the handle. You don't need to worry about violence or abuse.
- Your partner is agreeable - you like doing similar things, and your partner will not throw up unnecessary roadblocks to the things you want to do.
- Your partner is trustworthy - this means you can both trust your partner, and your partner has the strength to trust you.
- Your partner is self-sufficient - your partner is not dependent on you, and as a result, your partner is not needy or jealous.
- Your partner has manageable baggage - you must be able to deal with any baggage your partner brings into the new relationship, like extensive debt or dependent kids.
- You are physically attracted to your partner - this might seem crass or shallow, but it is nevertheless essential and is often the basis for healthy and vital sex life.
- Your partner is available - your prospective partner needs to be available to you. In other words, not in a different romantic relationship or still married.
Summary so far - You've got through the approach with healthy initial interest, you've spent some intimate times together, and your partner is passing your long-term potential tests.
Now it's safe for you to kick off the fifth dating principle - Bonding for love.
Principle 5 - Bond For Love
This principle refers to building up a longer-term rapport and establishing a romantic and healthy bond between the two of you - a place for love to grow.
A healthy bond is about kindness, space, shared experiences, and fun. It's not about deep conversations or telling your partner how you feel about them, and it's not a time to lack confidence.
Although you'll want to focus on this principle throughout your relationship, it's most applicable in the first few months.
Here are some things to do and not to do when trying to build an emotional love bond - they apply equally to both sexes.
- Do try to demonstrate as many of the long-term potential qualities we outlined in principle four above. These qualities are excellent behaviors for building a stable and long-lasting connection. Importantly, try to remain confident and emotionally stable as this is no time to get jealous or needy.
- Do try to create experiences together that are fun and light. Being fun and light means lots of flirting, teasing, role-playing, light-hearted challenging, and playful role reversal.
- Don't try to have deep and profound conversations, especially about politics or anything controversial. You might think these types of conversations show you off, but in fact, they are not playful or fun, and so defeat the point.
- Don't try to bare your soul or tell your partner how you feel about them, or ask for love or compliments. These behaviors are all about you and are intrinsically selfish. So try to avoid them.
- Equally, especially if you are a guy, don't try to win your partner through compliments or gifts. Avoid any behavior that relies on something external to convince your partner to love you.
- Lastly, do try to provide the necessary space for love to grow. You might not think this, but love grows when you are apart, not when you are together. Love is an emotional state and depends mostly on imagination and thoughts created when you are apart.
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Summary so far - Your relationship is solidifying into a long term commitment. You've conquered the approach, you've established both initial interest and long-term potential, you're intimate, and you're building a healthy emotional love bond.
The last principle - Escalating and Monitoring - will ensure your relationship grows from strength to strength.
Principle 6 - Escalating And Monitoring
This principle describes the need to continue to escalate your relationship and monitor it for any faltering interest.
At first, escalating refers to progressing from the initial conversations to holding hands or touching, kissing, and maybe sex.
However, over the longer term, escalating also refers to increasing your relationship's romance and emotional investment levels. Meaning in all aspects, you should strive for improvements while watching out for faltering levels of interest.
Use the techniques covered in principle 2 - Assess Interest Levels - to monitor your relationship for faltering interest levels, adjusting your behavior when appropriate.
And use the concepts of mutual respect and positive attention to grow your relationship over time.
As a minimum, you should strive to:
- Make the time for a regular date night, just the two of you alone.
- Regularly create opportunities to be intimate.
- Show undivided interest in your partner's passions and hobbies while being supportive and optimistic about their achievements.
- Take the time to listen to your partner when in need, without judgment, and without providing unwanted advice.
- Be kind and loving towards your partner.
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Using these dating principles, you've initiated an approach and made sure there is enough interest in you.
You've isolated appropriately to achieve intimacy, and you are sure you have a good long-term fit.
Then, you strengthened your connection into a love bond. And now you continue to build strength into your relationship and monitor its health.
Adopt these principles today for a more successful dating experience and choice of long term partner.
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Editor: Charles Fitzgerald