How To Be Confident In Your Next Romantic Relationship
Last updated on : May 06 2020
If you are starting a new, adult relationship, chances are it is not your first. You will have past experiences, good or bad, to figure out what you want, and don't, from a new partner.
You may hold prejudices about how your future connection from movies and television. Or, you may find it difficult to embark upon a happy, new relationship when there is trauma or emotional wounds left by previous ones.
Sometimes you may find it hard to stay interested in a person, not through faults on their part, but unresolved issues on yours.
It is vital when connecting with a new romantic interest that you are honest with yourself and open with your emotions to ensure this person is right for you and, likewise, you are right for them.
We've listed out some of the more significant and damaging factors you might bring forward into a new relationship so that you can deal with them. And after, we follow-up with ten tips to get your new love off to an exciting start.
Reasons You Might Sabotage A New Relationship
Here are ten vital factors to watch out for and address to ensure you are not undermining the start of your new relationship.
Sometimes you may try to move on to a new romantic partner without resolving your problems or working through the negative experiences you had in a previous relationship.
If you are unable to let go of history and, worse still, put those negative traits unfairly onto your new partner, you may find yourself concerned that the new person will exhibit similar behaviors.
Instead, you need to be able to see your new beau as an individual, not tainted with your insecurities around previous relationships.
Maintaining a healthy relationship is hard because they are never genuinely drama-free.
At the beginning of a relationship, you may find that everything is positive, fun, and exciting. However, as time goes on, you may encounter problems or issues that need resolving.
The chances are that these issues were always there, but you simply did not see them before. Relationship problems are typical, but some people may take them as a sign of a doomed relationship rather than a small issue to fix quickly.
Self-inflicted boredom can be a factor that makes you lose interest and unwittingly sabotage your new relationship.
Boredom may not be because of your partner, but due to things about yourself. You may be used to drama in a relationship, so you are unwilling to open up properly, now.
This attitude, while protecting you from any scenes, means your relationship will lack emotional honesty.
If you, or your partner, have a problem, then it should be voiced. If you both aren't emotionally honest, then questions will be left covered up, and a feeling of staleness can emerge.
If you have problems with your self-image, these can be transferred to relationships too.
If these problems have been with you for an exceptionally long time, you may find it challenging to trust in someone who opposes a negative view of you. Or, you may run the risk of picking a toxic partner who will be heavily critical of you simply because you feel that is what you deserve.
You need to be open to both love and positivity to keep interested in a healthy relationship.
There may be no issue with you or your prospective partner as people. Likewise, you can't meet the right person at the wrong time.
If a person is right for you, they will be right whether circumstances are good or bad. If you feel it is the wrong time or anything else, then simply put that relationship is not the one for you.
Fear Of Rejection
Sometimes you may feel insecure about yourself to the degree that we take any flaw as the most significant insecurity of all.
You may be afraid of taking the first step and starting new connections with the person of your dreams, but that can let some potentially fantastic chances pass you untaken.
You need to find ways to overcome your fears to allow for new relationships to both manifest and blossom.
Sometimes people fall into traps of self-sabotage.
If you have ever continuously and harshly critiqued yourself on your appearance, weight, mannerisms, status, or general character, then you may be vulnerable to this.
Under these circumstances, your current or prospective partner can affect your self-confidence too.
If anyone ever comments on your actions, words, or appearance, they have probably left some seeds of vulnerability and self-doubt in you, perhaps causing you to question whether you deserve the new relationship.
If you have had a previous failed relationship, then you may have walked away with some emotional baggage.
The main problem is that your emotions are enormously affected by this and develop some insecurities if left unresolved.
To allow for a future and healthy relationship, you must acknowledge and work through any emotions caused by the previous one.
At the beginning of a relationship, you may feel like you have lost part of your identity.
Your hobbies, views, goals, plans, career, and other core aspects might feel like they don't matter as much compared to the person you are dating. You feel worse if they contribute to you feeling like the things you enjoy are meaningless.
As a result, you may come to a stage of dating other people feeling unconfident and defenseless.
This reason is why it is essential to find a partner who will support you and build you up rather than try to manipulate you to fit into their ideals.
Some people might see emotion as a weakness.
You may be worried about opening up and speaking your mind both on subjects and regarding your thoughts and feelings.
When surrounded by toxic people, this can be used as ammunition against you whenever it is suitable. In a relationship, this is emotional abuse.
Thankfully, not all people will do this, but it can cause long-term anxieties and worries when you date someone new.
Ten Tips For New Relationships
Try these ten tips to build a solid foundation for your new relationship and maintain it healthily into the future.
There seems to be an incorrect assumption that men should gift the women in their lives. The assumption stops here.
Ladies, men deserve to be treated with love and affection too.
While receiving a gift can be beautiful, it is crucial that your partner also feels treated and respected, so even small surprises such as cooking their favorite meal can help keep a relationship's spark alive.
Keep A Steady Pace
Life is already fast-paced in terms of work and lifestyles. However, don't apply this fast pace to a budding relationship.
While you may be eager to see what happens next and to move to the next stage, you or your partner may end up losing interest or equilibrium if you rush things.
Be thoughtful and prudent, keeping both you and your partner's goals and emotional needs at the forefront.
Treat Your Partner As An Individual
You are your person and may be offended if your partner compared any mannerisms or behavior to that of their ex, particularly if the comparison in question does not favor you.
Likewise, your present or prospective partner is not your ex. They are a different person. So, be respectful and value their unique characteristics.
If you hold a person to the standards of a prior partner, you may end up damaging their feelings of self-worth.
There is a time and place for discussing previous partners and emotions surrounding that, but that time is not in comparison with your new partner.
Yes, allow them to understand your past as you should for them, but leave it there.
Spend Time With Your Respective Friends
Social interaction is something very personal.
You shouldn't dictate or have your partner dictate with who you both hang out or chat.
There are circumstances where you might overrule this, such as preventing a recovering partner from communicating with people who may cause a relapse. That is what a real relationship between two well-conscious, supportive, and non-envious people means.
Don't forget about maintaining your own social life, so long as the connections are healthy while giving your partner that same, respectful freedom.
It is easy to get into a habit of wearing different masks for different people.
While it is entirely reasonable that you behave differently in a work environment than you do with your friends, you shouldn't be putting on a façade when with a romantic partner.
Pursuing the desire to impress your boyfriend will be a very disappointing experience for both. No one will feel comfortable being with someone they barely know.
Do not feel ashamed to reveal your true self.
If you pretend at first and then take all skeletons out of your closet at a later date, this may have a severe impact on the trust in your relationship.
Know Your Self-Worth
You should be able to feel comfortable without needing constant attention or reassurance from your partner.
Remember, they picked you to share their time.
If you do find yourself feeling jealous or insecure, it may be worth acknowledging those feelings and considering the root cause before you blame your partner or start to act differently.
From this, you can talk things through with them without any need for anxiety.
People often throw around words such as "clingy" or "needy," but this stems purely from not understanding your self-worth.
Value Their Personality
We often judge ourselves over the parts we like about ourselves and those we wish we could change.
Similarly, you may find yourself judging your partner on things you like about them and those you want to tweak. These thoughts may hamper your happiness.
Chances are, if you found out your partner wished to change aspects of you, then you may feel upset or underappreciated. Banish those thoughts and learn to see your partner for who they are, good and bad.
Keep The Flirting
One mistake you may make in a relationship is that, once the connection is defined, you might halt your flirty behavior. It is good to flirt.
Flirting lets your partner know that you still find them attractive and have an interest in them.
This knowledge will give them high confidence and can keep other aspects of your relationship spiced up.
Likewise, the confidence boost may help them feel like they can continue flirting, which will, in turn, make you feel more wanted and attractive too.
Understand That Disagreements Are Normal
In any healthy relationship, there will be at least some disagreements.
It is essential that you avoid setting up unrealistic expectations of your partner or the association, or at least make them alongside your partner and ensure they are rational and considerable.
Once you master the skill of balancing your expectations and reality, you will become much more capable in relationships.
There might be moments of long-lasting fights and quarrels. Still, if you can discuss things rationally and don't expect unattainable or unreasonable achievements from your partner, then these disagreements will make your relationship more robust in the long run.
Be Perfectly Imperfect
Your partner will never be perfect. Neither will you. And that's okay. If things always went well, then life would be boring.
If all people were the same, then there wouldn't be any need to search for a good match. It is the quirks, differences, and, yes, the imperfections that genuinely make people attractive.
So, be ready to make mistakes, fail, disappoint. Learn to become perfectly imperfect.
Regardless of any doubts and questions that continuously keep bothering you, don't lose your charm and passion. As a strong, self-sufficient woman, you can achieve and get the things you want.
Invest your time in self-love and confidence, and your future spouse will find you.
Enjoy each aspect of your life rather than pinning your self-worth onto your relationship status to ultimately ensure the person you do end up with is one that is healthy for you.
Cheryl Hearts is a writer and journalist from Boston, Massachusetts. Her passion for writing started at an early age and evolved during the high school years. She enjoyed creating her own stories, so she decided to make writing her career. After earning a degree in Journalism, Cheryl started running her blog, where she's covering topics of great interest to society.
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