How Guys Should Text Girls In A New Relationship - With Examples

Last updated on : August 29 2020

Young couple texting each other

Preface

If you're a girlfriend reading this, don't be alarmed or consider that we designed this advice to manipulate you. Instead, understand that men don't know what to do when it comes to girlfriends, and need help, often prescriptive help.

And be honest with yourself, you don't want a needy man, or one that texts you every 5 minutes.

Instead, embrace this article as being suitable for your boyfriend. Please send it to him asking him to read it over and over again, because it will benefit your relationship.

The Dangers Of Texting In a New Relationship

Most people, both men, and women alike, initiate text conversations too often and say too much in their texts at the beginning of a relationship.

Texting is not a place to build relationships and rapport. You can build rapport far better face to face, or at least by voice.

And it's so easy to make mistakes texting, either by sending an unwanted text at the wrong time, or misunderstanding the communication and reacting improperly.  

And when you make mistakes, you almost always come across as needy, a fatal relationship killer, or causing your partner to pull away

How Guys Should Text Their New Girlfriends

As a guy, it's better to reserve texting for setting up your next date and making arrangements to meet.

If you find yourself texting for any other reason, then seriously consider why, and make sure your motives are not needy.

Here are some examples:

1. The Goodnight Text

Dreamy clouds in the skt

You're about to go to bed and want to text her goodnight. Is this because you're feeling lonely? Or you genuinely wish her to have a good night's sleep? If your needs drive your motivation, then don't do it.

Let's assume you convince yourself that texting her goodnight is the right thing to do, and you do it. Now you've created a precedent that can quickly become repetitive and boring. When she begins to expect these goodnight texts from you, you lose some mystery and, consequently, some of her attraction to you.

On the other hand, if you don't text her goodnight, it will get her thinking why. Her wondering why you haven't texted is good. It creates mystery and curiosity about what you might be doing.

If she gets angry with you, text her goodnight the following evening, and resist doing it again, or do it only infrequently to keep her guessing. 

2. The After Date Text.

Couple on first date

You've had a great first date, you've said goodbye, and now you want to text her, to continue the feeling, and keep her motivation high.

First, give it a few hours, and see if she texts you first. Receiving a text message from her first is a better outcome, as it shows high levels of attraction.

If she texts you first, respond politely, with balanced enthusiasm, stating that you had a great time, keep the communication short, and your mystery levels high.

Don't try to set up another time to meet at this point. Setting up a new time needs to wait, as pushing for this too early can come across needy.

If she doesn't text you first, then send off a polite "I had a great time tonight, and a lot of fun getting to know you, thank you." You can reference in a funny moment during the evening to keep the overall message light-hearted and fun if you want.

Send the text when you get home. You don't need to wait too much longer than this. If your date responds with enthusiasm, take it as a good sign. You don't need to reply unless she has asked a question that needs a response.

Under both scenarios, you don't want to initiate a long text conversation. Keep it short. Remember, texting is not a place to build romance and rapport.

3. The "I Want To Break The Ice" Text.

Man sitting alone considering

Here's the scenario.

You've had a few dates with your new girlfriend, and you've been holding back on the texting. However, you haven't received much communication from her, and now you want to break the ice, maybe to get things going again.

Should you text her?

The only text you can send is one to set up a new time to meet. If your girlfriend says yes, then great, meet up and continue the relationship. If she says no or you don't get a response, then you have her answer, and you need to move on. Don't text her or make contact again, ever, wait for her to contact you.

Can you see any other way to send an ice breaker text? There isn't another way, because it will only come across needy.

And why doesn't asking for a time to meet come across needy? Because setting up a date is a man's job, you can consider it as leading the relationship, not chasing or needy behavior.

However, when asking her out, be considerate, don't beg or plead, do it from a position of strength, please.

4. Your Girlfriend Initiates A Text Conversation.

Happy girlfriend wanting to see you

If your girlfriend initiates a text conversation, then the safest thing to assume is that she wants to see you.

Start by engaging in conversation, ensuring you're alternating messages, like a ball hit in a tennis match. Balance your enthusiasm and content with her texts. You don't want to be writing more than her, or be more enthusiastic than her.

And keep it going just long enough to arrange a date, then get off the phone.

Mission accomplished.

5. The "I've Messed Up And Sent Too Many Texts" Conundrum.

Worried man looking out the window

If you are sending numerous texts in a short timescale, without a valid reason, then you are trying too hard or need too much attention.

This behavior will put off most women, particularly those who are generally busy or career-driven.

There's only one solution to this problem. Stop texting immediately and wait for your girlfriend to contact you again.

If she doesn't contact you, you've blown it, and you need to move on. Anything you do now will come across needy and destroy any remaining self-esteem or respect she has for you. Stay silent and in no contact, forever, or until she contacts you.

If she does contact you, then great. Match her enthusiasm levels and, at the right time, arrange a date, then get off the phone.

Don't acknowledge or apologize for your previous texting behavior. Learn from it, and don't behave that way again.

6. The Late Night Text.

Car driving late at night

It would be best if you avoided late-night texting unless it is a continuation of an earlier discussion.

Late-night texting may come across as a booty call, especially if you are inebriated. Do your best to avoid these, so you don't damage a new relationship.

Think about it. The 1 am, "I'm thinking about you" text is very creepy and will probably end your new relationship immediately.

7. You Have Something You Want To Tell Her Text Messages

Rear end of a Ferrari

In a new relationship, there are not many reasons that justify sending a text. As discussed before, you can initiate a text conversation to set up a date or if you are genuinely concerned about your girlfriend.

Importantly, avoid all negative communication. Negativity includes messages about how bad your day is, or your dog dying. Keep your text messages positive at all times.

Pick up the phone or talk to your girlfriend in person about your dog dying, but please don't use it as a way to garner her attention.

It's no surprise that women find positivity attractive when looking for a new love.

It's ok to text her with your news if she's expecting an update. But don't send an update out of the blue. These are things you want to keep for conversation, and to reveal to her slowly over time.

As an example, you've bought a brand new Ferarri. Please don't send her a pic. Just keep quiet about it, and let her discover it in your garage the next time she is around at your place. This behavior demonstrates extreme confidence and shows that you don't need things to make her attractive to you.

And, she might not even like Ferraris.

Does this make sense, and give you a strong indication of why you shouldn't text her with your news unless she's expecting an update?

Texting And Established Relationships

Girl sending a text message

Most of the above relate to new relationships.

For established relationships, it is acceptable to text your girlfriend under most circumstances. Because, at that point, you would have set up informalities around when you both expect communication by text.

However, you must always question your motives for sending a text no matter how well established your relationship is.

If neediness is driving your reasons (you need to hear from your girlfriend, demanding her attention, you're feeling lonely), then you cannot text her, or you will risk coming across exactly that, needy.

Plus, if you've overdone the texting and are getting short one word or fast responses from her, or none at all. Then you must stop immediately and wait for her to make the connection again.

These two fundamental rules apply whether your relationship is brand new or well established. Both demonstrate neediness, which isn't acceptable behavior, no matter what. Remember, a man's role is to lead. 

Summary

It may be better to avoid texting your girlfriend during your early relationship periods unless she has explicitly stated she would like to receive text messages from you. Even then, don't be too accommodating.

It's difficult to understand just how dangerous texting is, and how easy it is to make mistakes, so you are better off avoiding it as much as possible.

However, do text to set up a date or when genuinely concerned about your girlfriend. Although, under the latter circumstance, it would be better to call.

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