How To Text A Girl You've Just Met - With Examples
Last updated on : December 04 2020
This article is for guys who need guidance on how to text girls. Jump to the section you want by using the links below.
- 1: The Goodnight Text
- 2: The After Date Text
- 3: The 'I want to break the ice" Text
- 4: Your Girlfriend Initiates A Text Conversation
- 5: The "I've messed up and sent too many texts" Conundrum
- 6: The Late Night Text
- 7: You Have Something You Want To Tell Her Text Message
A. The Dangers Of Texting In a New Relationship
Most people, both men, and women alike, initiate text conversations too often and say too much in their texts at the beginning of a relationship.
Texting is not an ideal place to build relationships and rapport. You can build rapport far better face to face, or at least by voice.
And it's so easy to make mistakes texting, either by sending an unwanted text at the wrong time, or misunderstanding the communication and reacting improperly.
And when you make mistakes, you almost always come across as needy, a fatal relationship killer, or causing your partner to pull away.
You can somewhat mitigate this by knowing what questions to ask, but it's not foolproof.
B. How To Text A Girl - The Six Texting Rules
Understand that texting is not for building a rapport or a romance. It's always better to meet face to face. Therefore, see texting as a tool to initiate a meetup, not as a place to hold a conversation.
If you text this way, you'll be different from 95% of all guys, and as a result, will stand out in the right way.
However, if you feel you need to flirt by text, then read this post.
Follow these rules to become an expert at texting girls.
Rule 1 - Use texting primarily to set up dates or make final arrangements for your date.
Of course, you don't need to be overly focused on asking her out with the first text you send. But each text you send should get you closer to asking her out. If it doesn't, then question why you are sending it.
See section D below on how to ask her out by text.
Rule 2 - Finish the text conversation first, on a high.
You want to be the one that ends the conversation first, leaving her wanting more. When you do this, you are also leaving the door open to text her again.
If she's the one that ends the conversation, it's tough for you to initiate the conversation later.
Rule 3 - Don't send the last text.
When ending the conversation as in 2 above, try to get her to send the last text. It's only your neediness that drives you to send the final text, and often you don't need to do so.
Here are two examples:
You: Great talking with you, I got to go, but I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.
Her: Yes, me too.
Although, you'll be dying to respond to this, maybe with a "See you then [smiley]." Don't respond. Let her's be the last message.
You: Goodnight :)
Her: Goodnight too, and sleep well :)
In this example, you don't need to respond with, "And you :)." Instead, remain silent.
Rule 4 - Never double text.
If she's not responding to your messages, you're better off waiting rather than chasing. You cannot prod or push her for a response. This behavior is incredibly needy.
So practice staying silent, and if she never responds, be strong enough to accept that she doesn't have the interest in you that you might want.
Rule 5 - Match her frequency and interest levels.
You don't have to be precise with this rule, but try to balance your interest with hers whenever possible.
If she's taking a while to respond, roughly match this timeframe by waiting before you reply to her.
Similarly, if she's sending short messages, do the same.
If you're getting fast responses and long interesting replies, this is the perfect time to ask her out on the date and get off the phone. See rules 1 and 2 above.
Rule 6 - Always question your motives for sending a text.
If you're texting because you are looking for attention or validation, you cannot send the text. Your neediness in this respect, over time, will drive your new girl away.
It's acceptable to text to ask for a date or make the final arrangements for the date as we mention above.
C. Example Scenarios
Here are some example scenarios to help you understand the six texting rules better.
Always remember, as a guy, it's better to reserve texting for setting up your next date and making arrangements to meet.
If you find yourself texting for any other reason, then seriously consider why, and make sure your motives are not needy.
Here are some examples:
1. The Goodnight Text
You're about to go to bed and want to text her goodnight. Is this because you're feeling lonely? Or you genuinely wish her to have a good night's sleep? If your needs drive your motivation, then don't do it.
Let's assume you convince yourself that texting her goodnight is the right thing to do, and you do it. Now you've created a precedent that can quickly become repetitive and boring. When she begins to expect these goodnight texts from you, you lose some mystery and, consequently, some of her attraction to you.
On the other hand, if you don't text her goodnight, it will get her thinking why.
Her wondering why you haven't texted is good. It creates mystery and curiosity about what you might be doing.
If she gets angry with you, text her goodnight the following evening, and resist doing it again, or do it only infrequently to keep her guessing.
2. The After Date Text
You've had a great first date, you've said goodbye, and now you want to text her, to continue the feeling, and keep her motivation high.
First, give it a few hours, and see if she texts you first. Receiving a text message from her first is a better outcome, as it shows high levels of attraction.
If she texts you first, respond politely, with balanced enthusiasm, stating that you had a great time, keep the communication short, and your mystery levels high.
Don't try to set up another time to meet at this point. Setting up a new time needs to wait, as pushing for this too early can come across needy.
If she doesn't text you first, then send off a polite "I had a great time tonight, and a lot of fun getting to know you, thank you." You can reference in a funny moment during the evening to keep the overall message light-hearted and fun if you want.
Send the text when you get home. You don't need to wait too much longer than this. If your date responds with enthusiasm, take it as a good sign. You don't need to reply unless she has asked a question that needs a response.
Under both scenarios, you don't want to initiate a long text conversation. Keep it short. Remember, texting is not a place to build romance and rapport.
3. The "I Want To Break The Ice" Text.
Here's the scenario.
You've had a few dates with your new girlfriend, and you've been holding back on the texting. However, you haven't received much communication from her, and now you want to break the ice, maybe to get things going again.
Should you text her?
The only text you can send is one to set up a new time to meet. If your girlfriend says yes, then great, meet up and continue the relationship. If she says no or you don't get a response, then you have her answer, and you need to move on. Don't text her or make contact again, ever, wait for her to contact you.
Can you see any other way to send an ice breaker text? There isn't another way, because it will only come across needy.
And why doesn't asking for a time to meet come across needy? Because setting up a date is a man's job, you can consider it as leading the relationship, not chasing or needy behavior.
However, when asking her out, be considerate, don't beg or plead, do it from a position of strength, please.
4. Your Girlfriend Initiates A Text Conversation.
If your girlfriend initiates a text conversation, then the safest thing to assume is that she wants to see you.
Start by engaging in conversation, ensuring you're alternating messages, like a ball hit in a tennis match. Balance your enthusiasm and content with her texts. You don't want to be writing more than her, or be more enthusiastic than her.
And keep it going just long enough to arrange a date, then get off the phone.
5. The "I've Messed Up And Sent Too Many Texts" Conundrum.
If you are sending numerous texts in a short timescale, without a valid reason, then you are trying too hard or need too much attention.
This behavior will put off most women, particularly those who are generally busy or career-driven.
There's only one solution to this problem. Stop texting immediately and wait for your girlfriend to contact you again.
If she doesn't contact you, you've blown it, and you need to move on. Anything you do now will come across needy and destroy any remaining self-esteem or respect she has for you. Stay silent and in no contact, forever, or until she contacts you.
If she does contact you, then great. Match her enthusiasm levels and, at the right time, arrange a date, then get off the phone.
Don't acknowledge or apologize for your previous texting behavior. Learn from it, and don't behave that way again.
6. The Late Night Text.
It would be best if you avoided late-night texting unless it is a continuation of an earlier discussion.
Late-night texting may come across as a booty call, especially if you are inebriated. Do your best to avoid these, so you don't damage a new relationship.
Think about it. The 1 am, "I'm thinking about you" text is very creepy and will probably end your new relationship immediately.
7. You Have Something You Want To Tell Her Text Messages
In a new relationship, there are not many reasons that justify sending a text. As discussed before, you can initiate a text conversation to set up a date or if you are genuinely concerned about your girlfriend.
Importantly, avoid all negative communication. Negativity includes messages about how bad your day is, or your dog dying. Keep your text messages positive at all times.
Pick up the phone or talk to your girlfriend in person about your dog dying, but please don't use it as a way to garner her attention.
It's no surprise that women find positivity attractive when looking for a new love.
It's ok to text her with your news if she's expecting an update. But don't send an update out of the blue. These are things you want to keep for conversation, and to reveal to her slowly over time.
As an example, you've bought a brand new Ferarri. Please don't send her a pic. Just keep quiet about it, and let her discover it in your garage the next time she is around at your place. This behavior demonstrates extreme confidence and shows that you don't need things to make her attractive to you.
And, she might not even like Ferraris.
Does this make sense, and give you a strong indication of why you shouldn't text her with your news unless she's expecting an update?
D. Bonus Scenario - How To Ask A Girl On A Date By Text
When asking a girl out by text, you want to be alpha and polite. You're leading, not asking her permission or begging her to go out with you.
The best way to do it is to offer two times when you'll be available, and the place.
Here's an example, if the text conversation is flowing well and naturally. Just drop it in, even if it's unexpected.
"I'm having fun and would love to meet you. I'm free on Tuesday or Wednesday next week. Let's meet at The Wine Bar at 7 pm."
Her response is critical and will give you loads of information about her interest levels. Here are the possible reactions from her:
Her: Yes, that's great. I'll see you on Tuesday :)
You: Perfect, I'm looking forward to meeting you. See you on Tuesday.
This scenario is the best outcome, you asked her out, and she said yes. A job well done. On Tuesday, around lunchtime, you can send her a text confirming.
You: Hi, see you later this evening. I'll be a little early, just in case you are :)
Her: see you soon :)
Her: Hmm, I can't make either of those days, but how about Thursday, same time, same place?
You: I cannot make Thursday next week :( But I can try and free up Friday?
Her: Ok, great, let's do Friday.
You: Ok, I'll confirm with you later today.
In this scenario, the fact that she's offering an alternative time is a good sign.
However, in your first text, you told her you are only free on Tuesday or Wednesday, and so you genuinely cannot respond with an "Ok, I'll see you on Thursday" even if you are free on Thursday.
If you're too quick to offer up your Thursday, you'll look needy and indecisive.
But you can offer up your Friday, but only after "moving things around for her." This response is polite, gracious and leaves your alpha status intact.
Her: I'm sorry I cannot make either of those days.
Her: Maybe another time.
In these scenario, she's saying no and not offering up an alternative time (you need to take a maybe as a no). Her response isn't the best news for you, as it's likely she has low interest in meeting up with you.
You have three ways to respond to this:
You: Ok, let's pick this up again next week. I'm quite busy this week.
Then wait at least a week, and you can ask her again:
You: Hi, I've got some time free this week, and I'm still interested in meeting up. How about Wed or Thurs at 7 pm, same place.
If you get an adverse reaction, stop contacting her. As a general rule, you can only ask two times, never three.
You: Ok, if you're interested in meeting up some other time, let me know, and I'll do my best to see you.
After you send this text, you never contact her again. You wait for her to contact you. It might seem harsh, but it shows some serious strength and could jolt her interest levels.
Use this response if you've just met her. It will leave her thinking and not have you chasing her.
With this third option, you don't reply to her at all. Just go silent and wait for her to contact you again.
You might do this to show disdain and low interest in her. It's not the best response, but it can be useful because it leaves the conversation unended, and she might want to pick it up again as a result.
Don't be surprised if she makes contact a few days later, offering up a time to meet you.
E. Texting And Established Relationships
Most of the above relate to new relationships.
For established relationships, it is acceptable to text your girlfriend under most circumstances. Because, at that point, you would have set up informalities around when you both expect communication by text.
However, you must always question your motives for sending a text no matter how well established your relationship is.
If neediness is driving your reasons (you need to hear from your girlfriend, demanding her attention, you're feeling lonely), then you cannot text her, or you will risk coming across exactly that, needy.
Plus, if you've overdone the texting and are getting short one word or fast responses from her, or none at all. Then you must stop immediately and wait for her to make the connection again.
These two fundamental rules apply whether your relationship is brand new or well established. Both demonstrate neediness, which isn't acceptable behavior, no matter what. Remember, a man's role is to lead.
It may be better to avoid texting your girlfriend during your early relationship periods unless she has explicitly stated she would like to receive text messages from you. Even then, don't be too accommodating.
It's difficult to understand just how dangerous texting is, and how easy it is to make mistakes, so you are better off avoiding it as much as possible.
However, do text to set up a date or when genuinely concerned about your girlfriend. Although, under the latter circumstance, it would be better to call.
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