Breakups: What To Do During No-Contact With An Ex

Last updated on : June 18 2021

What To Do During No Contact

Breakups can be complicated and challenging. No one enters a relationship wanting it to end, but sometimes parting ways is for the best.

Whether you're the one who wanted out or you are feeling the pain of rejection, there is a lot to process after a relationship ends.

And the best way to do this is to adhere strictly to a no-contact regime - to both recover fast from the breakup and to give yourself the best chance to get your ex back (if you desire).

However, no-contact is so much more than merely refraining or cutting out contact with your ex. Yes, you'll want to mope, but you must take this time to invest in your mental health, learn from the mistakes made in your past relationship, and take steps to improve yourself. 

Here are a few infallible tips to make the best of your breakup and start living the life you deserve as soon as possible.

1. Get Away

Sometimes all you need is a clearer head to gain some perspective, and often the only way to do that is through a change of scenery. 

Sticking around in a home you've shared or driving past the location of your first date could get you thinking about what could have been, digging you deeper into a rut of despair. 

Getting away by finding opportunities for road trips, all-inclusive cruises, or backpacking adventures could give you necessary physical distance from reminders when the pain is still at its freshest.

If taking a solo trip sounds like it would give you the space you need to process the next steps, consider going somewhere close by or visiting a familiar place to avoid deepening any lingering feelings of being alone.

Even finding a local hotel and giving yourself an indulgent weekend all about you can get your mind off some of the what-ifs that follow a split.

2. Remove Reminders

Whether you unfollow your ex on social media, delete all your photos or give back a few of their things, take some time to reorient all your spaces and clear out any mementos that remind you of them. 

It can feel empowering to reclaim your spaces, both physical and mental. Grab anything that could overpower your thoughts and send you into a spiral and get it out of the house.

It's not necessary to get rid of everything, however. If you had an amicable breakup, you might feel comfortable keeping your ex's phone number or other mementos. 

Just be sure you're not holding on to anything to feed any preoccupation with your relationship, which can ultimately make you feel worse.

3. Feel It All

Though distractions serve an essential purpose when dealing with a breakup, it's crucial to allow yourself to feel the range of emotions to work through it and come out on the other side healthier, happier, and more optimistic about your future. 

Once cherished memories could become tainted with heartbreak, and little reminders about your relationship may crop up at any time and rear their ugly head at times when you need to keep it together.

Take time to let yourself feel all of your feelings without shame. Parting with someone you could envision spending the rest of your life with is a massive loss with varying levels of grief. 

Check-in with yourself and honor your emotional experience. You may experience a sense of relief, or it may feel like you don't know how to live life without them. 

Whatever your feelings, they're perfectly natural and normal. Pushing unpleasant feelings away will only weigh you down. 

Know that once you have processed your emotions, a newer, lighter, and freer version of yourself will emerge.

4. Connect With Friends

It may feel like you've lost the one person who truly knew the real you, but don't forget those who have been there for you since the beginning.

After a split, it's essential to rely on the people who have always loved and supported you through thick and thin. They're the ones who can provide an objective and supportive place to land when it gets tough.

Reaching out to friends can look differently depending on what you need at the moment.

It may help talk through some of your dashed dreams, or you may need a distraction to avoid thinking about it at all. Let your friends show up for you in the ways they can and hold your hand as you go through post-relationship heartache. 

In every way, friends can help reduce the stress that a breakup imposes, making it feel a lot easier to move on. 

However, be careful what relationship advice you collect from friends and family.

Commonly, friends and family will advise you to make contact with your ex and tell them how you feel. But you must know that breaking no-contact is not a good idea, so don't take this advice from friends and family, remain firm in no-contact.  

5. Make Some Goals

It's hard to imagine life without your partner, but doing so can help to ease some of the pain. 

Before your relationship, you had goals that align with some of the dreams and hopes you had for your life that you can still accomplish without your ex. 

Things may look a lot different, but your life can be rich and beautiful by design -- and you're capable of making it happen.

With all the extra time and energy you have on your plate, you have additional resources to throw into your own goals. Now is the time to look into advancing your career or explore a new prospect for yourself. 

It doesn't have to be anything significant, either. Start small with finishing a book that's always been on your list or setting a new personal record at the gym. 

No matter where you direct your efforts focus on being graceful with yourself. Planning your next moves following a breakup should be an enriching, positive and loving way to care for yourself.

6. Try Something New

After saying goodbye to something that's felt safe and familiar, it's often a good time to try things new and unfamiliar. 

Throughout a relationship, two identities can become enmeshed. The two of you may have started to do the same things, say the same things, and enjoy the same things as your relationship progressed. 

Carrying a few of those things into the future is perfectly normal, but allowing yourself to explore things outside of the norm can help establish your new life without your ex.

Be adventurous and try a new cooking class or get your adrenaline pumping with an exciting outdoor sport. 

If you're not ready to get out there and shock your system, take it easy and try a new food inside or listen to a new playlist that your partner may not have appreciated as fully as you could. 

After a relationship ends, picking up a new hobby is an excellent way to distract yourself and invest in a new and improved you. 

Even switching current hobbies can provide the same value, so try out a new class at the gym or join a like-minded book club.

7. Try Being Single

Suddenly being thrust into a life where you don't have a dedicated wedding date or cuddling partner can feel scary and isolating, motivating you to seek someone to fill that space as quickly as possible. 

Rebound relationships can be challenging, as it's harder to avoid comparing your new partner to what you once had. And you're likely to repeat old patterns and make the same mistakes you made in your past relationship. 

It's far better to wait until you've healed and grown from your last relationship to enter another serious commitment.

It may seem like everyone is paired up and you're missing out, but being single is impressive in itself. 

Spending time with yourself enables you to become more acquainted with what you truly want and need out of life, so when you enter a new relationship, you're better prepared to show up for someone else and advocate for your own needs. 

Plus, maybe it's been a while since you've had a full choice in what movie to watch and where to go out to eat.

8. Give It Time

They say time heals all wounds, which has never been more true for heartache pains. 

While it would be ideal to feel better right away, or at least as quickly as possible, only time can place the necessary distance between your future and your past. 

Going through the hard stuff is part of the process, albeit an uncomfortable one. As time moves on, however, you will start to notice it gets more comfortable with each passing day.

While you wait for your heart to heal, you may need different things at different times. You may find that you need to take some time off some activities. Or you may realize that you need to spend some time doing things that you hadn't before. 

How you spend your healing time is individual and personal. Just because someone else could move on quickly after a breakup doesn't mean that's how everyone should react. 

Simultaneously, if you feel ready to move on when others say you should give it more time, reflect on how you're doing and permit yourself to do what you think is right for you.

9. Stay In No-Contact

Above all else, take every step to refrain from contacting your ex.

Not contacting your ex means taking all the steps above and adding in that extra bit of will power to stay away from texting, telephones, social media, or any other temptations that might lead you to break no-contact.

Ask a friend to stand in for you. If you can't resist making contact with your ex, text your friend first, and get them to remind you of how dangerous it is to break no-contact.

Also, have a plan for what to do if your ex contacts you or offers you breadcrumbs. You can follow some tried and tested rules in these circumstances to help you better understand your ex's motives.

Conclusion

Moving on may seem complicated, but it's never impossible. It takes time and effort to resume life as usual, especially after a long relationship. Investing in yourself after a relationship during the no-contact period is crucial to recovering your confidence and self-worth. 

Our brains are wired to love deeply, and the pain of rejection stings just as profoundly. But, By taking extra care of yourself, a life full of meaning and love will become more apparent and more attainable than ever before.

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