My Fiancé Lost Interest | Ask April

My Fiancé Lost Interest | Ask April

Posted on March 04 2015

April Masini, - Relationship ExpertRepetition and redundancy happens all the time in relationships. We get complacent and allow ourselves to sort of slip off the grid at times. Luckily April Masini, relationship expert and a beloved The Kewl Shop customer, offers sound advice and suggestions on what you can do to keep your love alive for years and years to come.

For those of you who do not know April here's her brief bio. For everyone in the loop skip the bio and get to the juice. 

April Masini is the author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the advice forum where over 20,000 questions have been asked and answered; she has more than 1.3 million Twitter followers and 560,000 Facebook fans. April has appeared as a featured guest on the The O'Reilly Factor, hosted Everything You Need to Know About Sex and been interviewed for over 10,000 articles, radio and television shows, including those on ABC, CBS, FOX, MSN, Yahoo!, CNN, BBC, Univision, Telemundo, Agence France Press — US News & World Report, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, New York Daily News, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Forbes, New York Post, Washington Post, Christian Science Monitor, Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Glamour, Woman’s Day, Yahoo!, Huffington Post, The Associated Press, TIME, Brides, Maxim, Cosmopolitan, and USA Today, among others.

Dear April,

My fiancé and I have been together for six years. We own a house together and live together. But six months ago, I began having doubts about our long-term compatibility. See, I love discussing big issues: religion and politics. He can't stand it. I'm deeply spiritual; he's firmly agnostic. I crave affection; he doesn’t. Recently, the physical intimacy has completely ended. We never touch. Ever. He's even mentioned twice that he's no longer attracted to me, but he's attracted to other people. I feel like we've become roommates or friends, instead of a couple. Breaking up would be messy. He's a great guy; we share the same friends; our lives are so intertwined. I don't want to mess up my life, but I'm so unhappy. Why isn't he? Is this the life he wants? Is this normal?


My fiancé lost interest

Dear my fiancé:

Six years is a long time to be together to suddenly consider that the differences you mention, are possible deal breakers. I'm guessing that those differences were existent in years one, two, three and four of your relationship. And they were there when you bought a home together, and moved in together, and when he proposed to you and you accepted. The question is, why, at year five and a half, did you suddenly start thinking about the differences you've always had between you, as problems? The reality is that there isn't anything black and white about the issues you've mentioned that have to be deal breakers. They can be parts of a healthy, happy relationship, or they can also be divisive deal breakers, too. It really depends on the couple.

It sounds like you’re mentioning these these differences as a defense to his pulling away from you, because that’s the only thing that’s new. And it's a flashing red light that he's looking outside the relationship — in spite of the house and the you’ve been together up to now. So the question is, do you want to try to win him over and get him back, or do you want to let go and move on?

If you want to win him over, there are lots of ways to get out of sexual slumps and romantic dry spells -- which are all pretty normal parts of long term relationships. The reality is that dating, and even committed relationships, are competitive, and you can’t drop the ball and expect there to be no recourse. So if there’s anything you’re doing differently that’s contributed to his lack of interest, this is the moment to play your A game and win him back. Complacency is no longer an option. You have to take action, or have it taken against you. That said — if you're really looking to leave because of these incompatibilities you mention, then the window of opportunity seems to be open. Ball’s in your court, play it or be played.

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