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Extinguish the Ex | Ask April

Extinguish the Ex | Ask April

Posted on February 25 2015

april mansini of askapril.comThe ex of our lovers are always the ones we despise. How do we deal with them? What if they are gorgeous? We turned to our beloved customer April Masinin for help because when April Mansini was looking for a new set of bandage dresses she turned to The Kewl Shop. We were more than happy to oblige and she ended up with eight beautiful dresses and three tight skirts.

 

If you are out of the loop here is April's short bio.

April Masini is the author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the AskApril.com advice forum where over 20,000 questions have been asked and answered; she has more than 1.3 million Twitter followers and 560,000 Facebook fans. April has appeared as a featured guest on the The O'Reilly Factor, hosted Everything You Need to Know About Sex and been interviewed for over 10,000 articles, radio and television shows, including those on ABC, CBS, FOX, MSN, Yahoo!, CNN, BBC, Univision, Telemundo, Agence France Press — US News & World Report, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, New York Daily News, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Forbes, New York Post, Washington Post, Christian Science Monitor, Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Glamour, Woman’s Day, Yahoo!, Huffington Post, The Associated Press, TIME, Brides, Maxim, Cosmopolitan, and USA Today, among others.

 

Dear April,

I’m in an 18 month relationship with this amazing guy, but something keeps bugging me — his ex. The girl he was dating before me for six months (it wasn’t a real relationship, more a have sex and hang out relationship) is everything you don’t want your boyfriend’s ex to be. She is funny, social, popular and beautiful. The fact that he still keeps in touch with her hurts me. He texts her every once in a while, talks to her at parties and it makes me jealous and insecure. I've talked to him about it and he said there is nothing to worry about. The next time we saw her he ignored her for my sake but I heard later on that he apologized to her about ignoring her and said he would never do it again and that I wouldn’t change that. Also he wanted to keep their conversations a secret because he didn’t want me to know because it would be unfair to me. I love him so much, but why does he feel the need to keep in touch?! 

Signed,

Extinguish the ex


Dear Extinguish the ex: 

Your boyfriend is in touch with his ex because he wants to be. And rather than telling him that it upsets you or that you're insecure, you'll do better with these two pieces of advice:

1. Don't make a big deal out of something that isn't. If you create a problem where there is none, you'll have done just that -- created a problem. Clearly, he's holding on to her for some reason, and if you start handing out ultimatums, you're going to end up with more stress, and possibly a break up reason down the line. You may not like this, but telling him about it isn't going to help your cause. 

2. Compete for his attention. Men will go where they feel good, and if he feels good when he's with her, you can expect him to go there. So.... with that knowledge, make him feel good about being with you! Instead of turning into a mother with a bunch of rules where he can and can't go and be, make it more enticing for him to be with you.

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